This is scary

I'm feeling scared today.

I'm worried that even after all the work we've done, everything we've been through, the virus will become out of control and our infection rates, and death rates, will climb and we'll all be personally impacted. I know people find lockdowns hard (I do as well) but living with the virus sweeping through the community seems way harder.

I saw lots of posts today (until I hid them all) about how it's propaganda, it's a government plan to control us all, that they are just using fear to make us do what they want. 

I agree that fear can be a powerful force, if you stir up enough fear about something then people will behave in ways they might not normally, and will accept suggestions (or rules) that they might not have done previously.

But.

Some things are worth being scared of, and of taking precautions to avoid. Bushfires are terrifying, and we prepare our houses and our yards, use regulated materials to build our houses, follow rules as to where we can plant trees, and leave on high fire danger days. Floods, heatwaves, storms, all are scary and we take precautions to avoid them and to protect ourselves against them. We follow rules to keep ourselves safe - wear seatbelts in the car, watch the safety demonstration on aeroplanes, wear harnesses when climbing or working up high, don't swim in waters where there are crocodiles or sharks or box jellyfish. We wear safety gear when it's appropriate - hard hats on construction sites, gloves and glasses and steel capped boots. Not all of those things that we are being protected from are as scary as others - but if something went wrong and we were not protected, it could be terrifying.

So just because everyone is scared of this virus, it doesn't mean that the government (which government? Did they all get together and decide to do this? Or did one government start it and then tell all the others - or have they all been tricked as well? I can't see how this could be orchestrated on such a global scale) has created it to control us. We're scared because it is scary. Getting sick, going to hospital, dying, losing friends or family - those things are all events that I want to avoid. And I'm really worried that that's where we are heading at the moment. I know lots of people have already experienced all of that and I don't want anyone else to have to go through that grief, and I can't imagine how much worse it will be if we are all in that situation.

If things do get worse then we will all adjust to the new way of being, but I don't want to have to do that. I will definitely take lockdowns over that option, even though this lockdown (6.0) is a massive shock and feels like a kick in the guts. But if it gets the numbers back down and we can start to see our friends again someday, then it will be worth it.

Lockdown 2.0, Day 60

 The most important thing about today (even bigger than Fathers Day) was the announcement of the roadmap out of restrictions. I was very keen to see what the plan was, even though I wasn't expecting much to change in the near future. It does seem like a well-considered plan and it is contingent on numbers dropping significantly - I really really do hope that enough people will abide by the guidelines and we can well and truly get the virus suppressed enough so that we can ease restrictions and start to see people again. In the short term nothing really changes for us, we still can't have people over or go outside our 5km zone. In a week though we are allowed to be with one other person in a public place. We realised that our 5km zone overlaps with one of the kids' (and my) friend's 5km zone - so we might be able to meet up with them somewhere in the overlapping part and go for a walk or something. Otherwise, not much will change for us really until the 3rd step around October 26th. Caitlin is disappointed that she won't be able to have anyone here for her 16th birthday, and I'm feeling the pain of not being able to see friends for another 7 weeks - but the plan makes sense and I agree it is the right way to go, slowly and steadily, and really try to get this under control.

We had a busy and fun day despite spending so much time thinking and talking about the roadmap. I was up early (woke at 5.30, which is my favourite time to wake) and had a few hours up by myself, mainly on the computer - I also saw the sunrise on a beautifully clear, crisp morning. Once the others started to get up I had breakfast and started cooking lasagne for Fathers Day lunch - a meat one and a vegie one. Mid morning I cooked bacon and eggs for Tony and made him a coffee, and we took him breakfast in bed and gave him his Fathers Day presents. Liam gave him a bottle cap darts game, and the girls made him a movie trailer about their quest to find him a gift - it was awesome! - and gave him chocolates from the chocolate factory. We all hung about in the bedroom for a while, the kids helped me clear off the top of my cupboard and we sorted through some clothes, all while chatting and hanging out.

I did dishes and finished making the lasagne while watching the press conference, and popping in and out to discuss points with Tony. We ate our lunch around 2 - the lasagnes turned out well. Tony and I went for a walk, he headed back after a while and I continued on a longer one - it was a warmish sunny day (although the wind was a bit cold) and I marvelled at how much the ground has dried out, given how muddy it was not that long ago. Caitlin had another driving lesson in the manual car - she's getting quite good, did her first hill start, and did a 3-point turn on a hill as well. I had a shower then did some work on my photos, Tony played chess with Liam, then watched some football. I chatted to my Dad for a while, he's doing well. We ordered Indian takeaway for dinner which was delicious, and afterwards headed off to do our own things (more photo work for me, online games with friends for Liam, drawing using her new app for Amelie, talking to a friend for Caitlin and football then Tour de France for Tony). Tony and I walked out the front together to put the bins out - it's a clear, still night and we got a great view of all the stars. It was weird being out at the road and no cars coming past - it was significantly less busy than a usual Sunday night (it's the first time since curfew started that I've put the bins out, so I hadn't noticed before). Everyone seems to be in a good mood this evening, and Tony said it was his best Fathers Day.

Another important thing - my COVID test came back negative. Caitlin still doesn't have her result.

Lockdown 2.0, Day 43

 I realised last night that we have completed 6 weeks of lockdown- if we’d stayed on the original Stage 3 plan, today’s the day that restrictions would have eased. Although we have all had our crazy moments this week in particular, I’m impressed that we have got this far and on the whole are pretty happy and mainly getting along. There’s still about 4 weeks left of Stage 4 and who knows what after that, but I’m feeling hopeful and positive about the future.

It was a good day today. Chats with Liam in the morning, a game of Othello with Amelie, work on my photos, number puzzles, watching The Dragon Prince with the girls, sorting out the piles of fabric that have been taking over our lounge room. Liam went for a bike ride, the girls and I went for a long (slow) walk - I’m still sore from my strength training and Caitlin from Cheer training last night. 

At 4.30 we video called with 2 other families for our hot chocolate festival. Liam and 2 of his friends made their hot chocolates and then chatted while they drank them. (We had ordered lots from the Yarra Valley Chocolaterie, they came with melts to put in hot milk, couverture choc to melt and pour in, a flavoured marshmallow and a treat of some sort to make it super special. Liam had a wagon wheel slurp, Caitlin a ginger one, mine was Gatytime themed and Amelie’s chicken shaped marshmallows with a sprinkle covered egg. The girls and I made ours and we FaceTimed with the adults.. After a while one of them had to go, and I kept talking to my other friend while we had a glass of wine together.  The hot chocs were a great experience and the conversation was really fun. 

We had a pork ragù for dinner - made by the chef at de Bortoli - it was amazingly good! We kept watching the Dragon Pronce and I started making something with my t-shirt yarn, then did some of my creativity course and have ended the day feeling very happy and content.

Lockdown 2.0, Days 34 & 35

 I didn't post yesterday because I had a sore back and by the evening I just wanted to lie down and not think. It felt a lot better today although still twinged occasionally and I was very careful to not do anything to aggravate it.

I had big plans yesterday to get a lot of tidying done. I started the day playing Hanabi with Amelie (we bent the rules a little and nearly won, it was a lot of fun (with lots of laughter) and my back was so sore that at times I couldn't concentrate on the game. I scrapped my plans for the day, took some anti-inflammatories, and spent about 90 minutes in the bath, listening to music and relaxing. I had a lot more movement once I got out, and I felt well enough to cook the sauces for the vegetable eggplant lasagne I had planed for the evening meal. A friend called by to pick up some eggs (our chickens are giving us 4 a day so we are pretty well stocked). We had a brief (masked and distanced) chat in the carport - it was exciting to see someone outside of our immediate family.

In the afternoon I had my Yarra glen homeschool GRoup Zoom meeting so I was able to lie down on my bed and rest some more while I chatted to 2 of the other mums. I'm really loving this fortnightly connection - and glad I dropped it back from weekly, that was feeling a bit overwhelming. At 4pm I drove down to HEalesville to pickup my milk - the dairy is doing a drop off there once a week so we can still buy their delicious milk. HAlfway there I realised I had forgotten my mask - I had a scarf in the car so I used that instead. I will get a pack of disposables to keep in the car for us all in case we need them.

Tony and Caitlin and I went for a slow, short walk, then I put the lasagne together and spent the rest of the evening on the couch. THe kids and I watched Mulan (which i always find exciting because I worked with one of the animators when I was in Tennesee) then I headed straight to bed.

Today I had no plans, but feeling a bit better meant I was able to get some tidying done, and I made lemon butter. I also did a fair bit of writing in the morning. I had a long phone chat with a friend and got ALL the washing folded - now we have room to sit on the small couch again and everyone's clothes supplies are back up. I went for a longer walk this afternoon (our medium length walk). Caitlin walked and Liam rode with me. I got very tired at the halfway point, came home and got straight in the shower, when I got out I felt so weary so spent the rest of the day on the couch, doing my puzzle, talking to Mum, working on my photos. The girls had Guides and CHeer training, and they played a lot of SIMS today. AMelie spent time on the trampoline and Liam did alot of work on his pull ups and chin ups.

I have been avoiding the news still - the only thing I heard was that Auckland is locking down after 4 mystery cases have been detected. Good job NZ For getting straight onto the problem.

Lockdown 2.0, Day 24

Just under 400 cases today. It’s alarming the first reaction I have is one of relief. It’s still so high, but it’s not six or  seven hundred, so I feel relieved and then disheartened. It’s a long way back to normal from here.

I slept badly (had Amelie and the cat in my space for most of the night) but woke up feeling pretty good. I had some more alarming bleeding but talked to the doctor and she has a bit of a plan for going forward so I feel like there might be an end to this at some point. I’m working on the emotional side of it - trying to let go of control a bit and relax into what is actually happening in my life and hopefully that will help. 

I was able to do a bit more today, a bit of work outside and organising a few things inside. Still spent a lot of time on the couch, watching tv with the girls, or on my bed chatting on the phone to mum and to a friend. Tony was home (because it’s Saturday) and it was nice to have him around to chat to as well. My mood was good for most of the day then I crashed in the late afternoon. Had a shower then did some writing and photo stuff in bed. I feel a bit better now, hoping I get a good night’s sleep.

Lockdown 2.0, Day 9

428 cases overnight. That's alarming. Really not good news. The next few days will be an indicator I guess of whether the lockdown measures are starting to have an impact. It's really quite scary.

I'm pleased though that despite the bad news I stayed in a good mood all day (I'm tired now and ready for bed - I'm in the middle of making yoghurt though so want to wait up until that's ready to put in the jar. Everything else is done, so I can write here for a while then I guess I'll read my book until the yoghurt is ready).

I woke up a bit before 6 after sleeping all night (from 11.30. That's later than I'd normally go but the football was in Perth last night so finished late, and Caitlin was lying in bed chatting and laughing with me while Tony watched the end of the game and the press conferences etc. Amelie joined us for a while and by the time the girls headed off it was quite late). I love being up early and I'm usually in a really good mood if I get an early start to the day. Liam was still awake then so we had a good chat about his game and the animals and other stuff and had breakfast together. I pottered around all morning, chatted to my mum, helped Amelie find fabric for some sewing she's doing, helped Caitlin get the lego out (she was inspired by watching the Try Guys doing a lego challenge on YouTube), ticked some things off my to do list (admin type stuff (including ringing to see if Amelie's phone is ready - it might be back by Tuesday. Or Thursday. Next week.)). In the afternoon I did some work on my creativity course, then the girls and I walked to the end of Houghtons Lane and back. It was an absolutely gorgeous day for a walk - everywhere I looked was so beautiful. We talked to some cows, saw wattle trees in a whole range of stages of blooming, admired our favourite gum tree, looked at reflections in puddles of water - it was fantastic. Tony came and picked Amelie up when she got tired and Caitlin and I walked the rest of the way home. She had some food and I re-dressed her burn (it's mainly looking good, except for her middle finger, it's still very red and sore) then took her to work. I then took myself on a date - I bought some boiled lollies from the new lolly shop in Yarra Glen, bought a spearmint hot chocolate (SO delicious) from the ice cream place, then drove down to the showgrounds and found a place to park near the river. I hopped out and took a few photos, then sat in the car and read my book until it got too dark to see easily, so I played on my phone for a while. I picked up pizza on the way home and felt very relaxed and recharged - but really really cold! I had a lovely hot shower then spent the evening tidying things up and making yoghurt, talking to a friend and rescuing a very large huntsman spider from Liam's room.

Hopeful for a drop in numbers tomorrow and hoping that people really start to do the right thing and stay home as much as possible.

Lockdown 2.0, Day 3

I realised this morning that I had been thinking that I needed to be productive this lockdown. Last time I let myself relax and take things easy last time, didn't push myself, but this time I should use the time efficiently and get a heap of things done. I was already starting to feel the pressure of that and luckily I was able to have a rethink.

There are some things I'd like to achieve over the next 6 weeks - writing every day, staying fit, selling some photos, sorting out some more areas of the house - and these were things I was planning to do anyway, before the lockdown was announced. It's important though that I take care of myself and help the kids get through this as emotionally healthily as they can. If that's all I manage over the next couple of months, that's ok. If I get more done, that's great. I really want to take each day one at a time, spend time doing things that I love, play with the kids, play the piano, go for walks - they are my priority. I also find that if I do focus on those things, I become more productive overall anyway.

I ended up having a fairly relaxing, though busy, day. Lots of time in the kitchen - I made yoghurt, helped Caitlin with making kombucha, made chicken stock, started some lemon cordial, and made lemon chicken for dinner. In between there was time outside, piano playing, a long walk in Yarra Glen after dropping Caitlin at work - the river is really high at the moment, and I walked along the new boardwalk next it, which I hadn't done before. The wattle trees are just starting to bloom, it was really pretty.

I'm heading off to bed soon to read my book, looking forward to another day at home tomorrow to potter around and do whatever springs to mind.

Lockdown 2.0, Day 2

Today has been slightly anxiety-inducing. Settling into lockdown can feel a bit unknown, and the numbers overnight were huge (288 - the biggest day yet) which is unnerving. I went to Chirnside Park this morning to get Amelie's phone fixed again (the fix we had done on Monday didn't work) - I don't like being there, although I went early so that it wasn't too crowded. I really prefer to stay local with my shopping, it feels safer and way less stressful. I wore my mask and made sure I kept my distance from people. After arguing with the phone guy about whether I should have to pay for a 2ns fix or not, I did the grocery shopping at Woolworths and went back to discover that the phone problem is worse than we thought and it needed to be sent away. I got a coffee and went for a walk then realised that I probably wasn't allowed to sit down on a park bench and read, which was my plan, so I went back to the car and drove to a park, and sat in the car and read my book for a while. On the way home I stopped to get chicken food (we have to sit in our cars at the stock feed place and they come out to serve us) and chatted through the window with my neighbour's daughter in her car - it was good to catch up on a bit of local news and check that our neighbour was doing ok. By the time I got home I was exhausted, and Amelie was quite sad about her phone. It is nice though to have full cupboards again (and lots of chocolate).

Caitlin heard last week that the local fish and chip was looking for more help - she rang them yesterday and they said to bring her resume in. So when I got home we put together a resume for her and drove to Yarra Glen. We did a bit of browsing in the hardware store and got some paint samples - we want to repaint the kitchen cupboards now that we have a nicely painted splashback and new curtains (thanks to Caitlin). She handed her resume in at the Fish and Chip shop, and the guy asked her to make a coffee for him. She made a latte (he was impressed that a 15 year old can make coffee) and he chatted to her for a bit then he asked her to start work at 5pm today.

We had an early fish and chip dinner, I browsed Facebook for a bit and then felt anxious again seeing people argue about everything, so I shut that down. Tony and I went for a walk with Luna, he came home and took Caitlin to work and I continued a nice long walk on my own. The sunset was pretty and it wasn't too cold - I still feel exhausted but it was good to have a bit of alone time and some exercise. I'm feeling a bit like I didn't get much done today - the dishwasher is still full and I didn't hang the washing etc - that's how some days go I guess, other things happen and it's not as though I haven't been busy, it was just different to what I'd planned.

Lockdown 2.0, Day 1

When we went into self-isolation in mid-March, and then when the whole state locked down, and we were home all the time along with most people we knew around the world, I kept thinking that it would be useful and interesting to blog about the experience. I thought about it nearly every day, and just never got around to writing a post. When restrictions started to ease I thought about writing a summary of our lockdown time - but kept finding other things to do. Now that we are back in lockdown, my aim is to stop thinking about writing about it, and just turn up at the keyboard each day and write something.

So. Here we are again, with only 4 reasons to leave the house. Which means the kids will basically stay home nearly all the time, I'll go out once or twice a week to do the shopping and get the mail, and there might be some Zoom meetings or classes from time to time. In a lot of ways things won't change too much. We were very slow in coming out of restrictions, mainly only seeing local friends and only 1 or 2 at a time. We weren't going to public places much - I'd only ventured to Chirnside Park shops a couple of times. None of our regular activities had started up again. So we were still self-isolating in a lot of ways. We had started to have friends over a few times a week and the number of different people we were seeing one-on-one had increased - so I guess that will be different. But the kids are good at chatting to their friends on their phones or computers and I can easily keep in touch with people so it won't be too bad.

I do like having few demands on my time, so another 6 weeks of that is not a bad thing. I had visions of getting heaps of things done around the house last time - and in the end I did do a lot, just in little bits and pieces of time rather than spending days working on projects. I have some higher aims this time (some house stuff, also some creative ideas with my writing and photography, and maybe looking at ways of earning an income) but I also want to hang on to the things I learnt the first time - that I'm happier and more productive if I listen to myself and do what feels right in the moment, rather than pushing myself to achieve a pre-set goal for the day. (Earlier this week I was telling Tony that I was frustrated because I hadn't been able to get much done that day because other things kept happening. I was recounting my day and only up to about 2pm and he said 'That's a really busy day already, you actually did heaps!' ).

The kids seem OK with the idea of lockdown again, although sad that they won't see their friends for a while. Caitlin was about to go back into the gym for Cheer - Zoom trainings are not as fun or motivating as training with the team, so she was looking forward to that. We had plans for Liam to spend a day or two a week with one of his friends, and Amelie had just met some girls that she was hoping to see regularly. I was thinking about starting our Ninja classes up again. So all of that is on hold and we're readjusting to spending our time entertaining ourselves again. Caitlin had just bought a bunch of fabric (we got 2 trips to the op shop in this week, our first time back that, so that was exciting) and she's busy making clothes. Amelie is drawing and listening to audio books and playing cards with me. Liam will continue playing his computer games and working on his fitness. There's plenty to do and we're comfortable and happy at home.