Lockdown 2.0, Day 24

Just under 400 cases today. It’s alarming the first reaction I have is one of relief. It’s still so high, but it’s not six or  seven hundred, so I feel relieved and then disheartened. It’s a long way back to normal from here.

I slept badly (had Amelie and the cat in my space for most of the night) but woke up feeling pretty good. I had some more alarming bleeding but talked to the doctor and she has a bit of a plan for going forward so I feel like there might be an end to this at some point. I’m working on the emotional side of it - trying to let go of control a bit and relax into what is actually happening in my life and hopefully that will help. 

I was able to do a bit more today, a bit of work outside and organising a few things inside. Still spent a lot of time on the couch, watching tv with the girls, or on my bed chatting on the phone to mum and to a friend. Tony was home (because it’s Saturday) and it was nice to have him around to chat to as well. My mood was good for most of the day then I crashed in the late afternoon. Had a shower then did some writing and photo stuff in bed. I feel a bit better now, hoping I get a good night’s sleep.

Lockdown 2.0, Day 17

Numbers in the 300s today. So stable-ish but still not great. Number of deaths is increasing and the ages of people in hospitals is getting lower - both are bad.

I was overwhelmed by everything today. Housework, talking to people, thinking about what to do - all too hard. I had a nice long shower and spent a couple of hours on the couch checking email, reading stuff, doing quizzes etc. I worked outside for a while which always clears my head and I enjoy listening to my book while I do it (currently up to Book 5 of the Alcatraz and the Evil Librarians series). I caught up on all the dishes while I listened to my favourite music - felt good to get that done. Caitlin trimmed my hair for me then brushed and braided it - I like this little routine we've added to our days. The girls and I went for a walk in the late afternoon. I slowed them down a fair bit because I took my camera and took a lot of photos.It was another really beautiful afternoon - and we saw the lambs next door (at a distance. The kids saw them close up yesterday when they went for their walk). I lay down after our walk and played with my photos for a few hours.

I have been feeling guilty lately because I've not found lockdown too hard - I've enjoyed lots of aspects of it (especially the first one, not this one as much) - and so many people are finding it really hard. Then I have days when I find it hard, and I feel guilty because I do have it pretty easy, my time is my own to choose how to spend it, I'm not busy or under pressure. But really I do think it's ok to make the most of this time and enjoy it if I can, and it's also ok to have days (or weeks) where it's difficult - being at home all the time, helping to keep the kids' emotional health high, can take a toll. And this is my usual work environment - normally I'm very comfortable with the idea that my job is a full time home-educator mum. That hasn't changed because there is a pandemic. That's still my job and some days are trickier than others. I'm hoping that having a bit of a rest today will help me feel better tomorrow - if not, I'll take it easy for as long as I need to.