Lockdown 2.0, Day 51

 A much quieter day today. I was surprised that there weren't many branches down around our place, one big one and a bunch of little ones - elsewhere there were trees down all over the place and some people didn't have power back yet. We had a calm morning at home, pottering around, doing some puzzles, browsing the internet, I did a bit of my course, chatted to both Mum and Dad on the phone. Caitlin and I went for a walk mid afternoon, it was sunny and actually fairly warm, a nice day to be out. Luna is getting much better at walking off lead and not chasing kangaroos. Amelie played games online with a friend. When Tony got home from work he took me over to Mum and Dad's - with Dad having minor surgery yesterday he's not able to drive at the moment, so he offered me his car while mine is at the mechanic. It was cool to have time in the car chatting with Tony, and exciting to be so far from home - the first time I've been past Yarra Glen in 4 weeks. It was great to see Mum and Dad, they're looking well and we talked for a bit before I took the car. On the way home I bought a Mint Hot Chocolate in Yarra Glen then sat in the car for a while at my favourite spot on Old Healesville Rd and read my book and listened to music. It was a beautiful afternoon and in between reading I really soaked in the view. Great view of the standing water in the fields across from our place, too. I drove home the long way from there and arrived feeling very relaxed after some time on my own. Also felt good driving a manual car, I've missed that. We had a hodge podge of dinner, everyone getting what they felt like eating, then Caitlin and I watched The Bodyguard - I'd never seen it, and was inspired by seeing Lorelai sing 'I Will Always Love You' on Gilmore Girls a few weeks ago. I really enjoyed it and it felt like a comfortable way to end a very up and down kind of week.

Lockdown 2.0, Day 37

 I didn't sleep well (this time I got up and tended the fire, then made some t-shirt yarn.  It was a more interesting way to pass the time than lying in bed trying to get to sleep, and I was pretty relaxed by the time I went back) - but I did feel much better. Today my attitude was much more - well if things are going to be bad in the future, I might as well enjoy the present, spend as much time with the kids as I can, doing things we love, looking after myself and my family - so I got on with being happy in the now, and I had a really good day.

Amelie and I played several rounds of Red 7s - we've played before but she didn't remember it, she really enjoyed it this time. Liam joined us for a while. In the late morning all the kids and I went for a walk. We headed over to Houghtons Lane. It was cloudy but not too cold. My hip was hurting a bit and my back still a little tender, so I turned back soon after we got to the road, and the kids kept going (the girls went all the way to the end, and Amelie climbed the gorgeous big gum tree, Liam came back a bit earlier once he'd had enough). 

A friend rang me in the morning with a computer question then we chatted for a while. After lunch I had a lovely long Facetime call with a a friend who I hadn't talked to in ages - it was great to catch up. Later in the afternoon we had a Zoom call with my sister and her kids - we played cards with my nephew, watched my niece open her birthday present from us, and chatted to my sister for her own birthday. I think I'll try to do that a bit more often. I then had a friend call by the front gate on his way home, to drop off  some groceries that I hadn't been able to get in Healesville or Yarra Glen. Nice to have a brief, in-person contact to round out a very social day by lockdown standards!

Tony brought home lots of parcels from the post office - including some stickers and room decorations that Caitlin had ordered online, a care package for her from a friend, and a big box books from the library for me - very exciting! (Our library is sending out holds to members, and filling the box with other books based on our borrowing history. I got lots of fantasy novels and some historical fiction - most of them books I haven't heard of before so I'm looking forward to exploring them).

We got takeaway pizza and pasta from Yarra Glen and watched more of Avatar: The Last Airbender. I'm really enjoying it - and it's a fairly easy show to just watch bits of, although the kids tell me it's even better when watched in order. After dinner I had my Friday date with myself - I had a big bowl of ice-cream, Baileys and nutella and read my book in my room for an hour. It was quite blissful.

Lockdown 2.0, Days 21, 22, 23

It's been a rollercoaster of a few days. Numbers were lower again on Wednesday, under 300 - promising. Then Thursday was 725. I felt sick when I first saw that result, and every time I thought of it since then. Today was in the 600s. Not good. I'm in awe every day of the way Dan Andrews and Brett Sutton keep fronting up to the press, calmly and solemnly making the announcements, taking responsibility for what's happened so far and outlining the next potential steps. It looks like a thankless, exhausting job.

On a personal level, I felt a little better on Wednesday. I even felt well enough to drive Caitlin in to Yarra Glen to the post office. I went to the chemist to try to get some homeopathics to help with the bleeding but the naturopath wasn't there so I planned to go back the next day. I spent a lot of the day on the couch/in bed, playing games and watching tv = The Gallery (Mandalorian), Gilmore Girls. Amelie had Guides, Caitlin tried to do her Cheer Zoom class but the internet was dodgy. I went to bed feeling positive that things were going to get better health wise.

Thursday I was about to go and get my blood test when I had a massive amount of bleeding. I was quite scared for a little while. I spoke to Nurse on Call and one of the doctors at the surgery and they recommended I come in. A friend took me to see the doctor, we tried to find somewhere for me to get an ultrasound, and she ended up taking me to emergency at Box Hill because I was pretty dizzy and finding it hard to concentrate. It was unnerving being at the hospital in lots of ways, no visitors or support people allowed in, everyone in masks, staff with face guards as well, signs everywhere. It was obvious the longer I was there that COVID is impacting the care that the hospital is able to give - things like ultrasounds are now only done if really urgent (so even though the Dr I saw wanted me to have one, it wasn't approved so I couldn't get one while I was there). I was really happy with the nurses and doctors who I dealt with, they did everything they could to reassure me and did seem interested in trying to figure out what was going on. My blood test came back with no worrying results, so after they checked a few things out they sent me home and asked me to get an ultrasound as soon as I could and organised a gynaecology appointment for some time in the future. Tony came to pick me up and it was really lovely chatting in the car on the way home - we don't get much time together without the kids around. The kids were really pleased to see me when I got home - I'd been gone all day and left before the older two woke up. We watched more Gilmore Girls and ate Nachos that Caitlin had cooked. The girls lay on the couch with me while we watched, and Liam stayed in the lounge room and watched with us. I was exhausted by the time I went to bed but surprisingly felt better than I had been - even though I still wasn't well I felt like it would get better.

I slept badly and had some anxious moments through the night - got up and had a shower at around 4am and that helped a lot. I got some good sleep when I went back to bed. Once I woke for the day - a beautiful sunny day, although a little foggy early - I felt better overall - physically and emotionally. Still bleeding but not so worryingly so. I spent time on the computer, hung the washing, felt a bit more normal than I had in a while. I went to have my ultrasound, - a relief to finally have it done, and I'll talk to my doctor tomorrow morning to see if it shows any answers. Afterwards I went to McDonalds (which was really busy - the girl at the window said they're busier during lockdown than they have ever been before) and bought my ultimate comfort food - fries and a chocolate sundae. I stopped in Yarra Glen and was able to get some homeopathic Phosphorus - she said it really should help. I drove then up to a spot on Old Healesville Rd, which overlooks the valleys on both sides of the road - over to our house and the mountains beyond Healesville, Pauls Ridge and Mt St Leonards, the hills of Dixons Creek. I ate my fries and sundae, took some photos, listened to music, read my book - it was a lovely hour by myself. Back at home I watched some TV with the girls, did some of my creativity course, chatted with a friend on the phone. Caitlin and I watched The Kissing Booth 2 - I got way more invested in it than I wanted to - it wasn't great but slighly better than the first one, and it was fun to watch with Caitlin, while she made bucket hats and we all ate takeaway pizza for dinner. 

Lockdown 2.0, Day 9

428 cases overnight. That's alarming. Really not good news. The next few days will be an indicator I guess of whether the lockdown measures are starting to have an impact. It's really quite scary.

I'm pleased though that despite the bad news I stayed in a good mood all day (I'm tired now and ready for bed - I'm in the middle of making yoghurt though so want to wait up until that's ready to put in the jar. Everything else is done, so I can write here for a while then I guess I'll read my book until the yoghurt is ready).

I woke up a bit before 6 after sleeping all night (from 11.30. That's later than I'd normally go but the football was in Perth last night so finished late, and Caitlin was lying in bed chatting and laughing with me while Tony watched the end of the game and the press conferences etc. Amelie joined us for a while and by the time the girls headed off it was quite late). I love being up early and I'm usually in a really good mood if I get an early start to the day. Liam was still awake then so we had a good chat about his game and the animals and other stuff and had breakfast together. I pottered around all morning, chatted to my mum, helped Amelie find fabric for some sewing she's doing, helped Caitlin get the lego out (she was inspired by watching the Try Guys doing a lego challenge on YouTube), ticked some things off my to do list (admin type stuff (including ringing to see if Amelie's phone is ready - it might be back by Tuesday. Or Thursday. Next week.)). In the afternoon I did some work on my creativity course, then the girls and I walked to the end of Houghtons Lane and back. It was an absolutely gorgeous day for a walk - everywhere I looked was so beautiful. We talked to some cows, saw wattle trees in a whole range of stages of blooming, admired our favourite gum tree, looked at reflections in puddles of water - it was fantastic. Tony came and picked Amelie up when she got tired and Caitlin and I walked the rest of the way home. She had some food and I re-dressed her burn (it's mainly looking good, except for her middle finger, it's still very red and sore) then took her to work. I then took myself on a date - I bought some boiled lollies from the new lolly shop in Yarra Glen, bought a spearmint hot chocolate (SO delicious) from the ice cream place, then drove down to the showgrounds and found a place to park near the river. I hopped out and took a few photos, then sat in the car and read my book until it got too dark to see easily, so I played on my phone for a while. I picked up pizza on the way home and felt very relaxed and recharged - but really really cold! I had a lovely hot shower then spent the evening tidying things up and making yoghurt, talking to a friend and rescuing a very large huntsman spider from Liam's room.

Hopeful for a drop in numbers tomorrow and hoping that people really start to do the right thing and stay home as much as possible.

It's OK not to finish

Yesterday morning I was at the computer and Millie came out into the lounge room and started playing, and I heard her say 'Good, finally it's just me and Mummy again!' - a great reminder of how much she treasures that time when she and I play together. So when she came in to sit on my lap and use the computer, I was quite happy to hand it over to her and chat to her while she played Minecraft, and help her spell things she wanted to type. I really enjoy my time alone in the mornings when it happens, checking my email and Facebook and browsing the internet. It has sometimes bothered me then when one of the kids gets up early and I don't have as much time by myself - but lately I've been enjoying it, however it works out. It is lovely having that quiet one-on-one time with whoever comes out first (usually Millie, sometimes LiAM, very occasionally Caitlin). Sometimes we play together, other times they play on the computer or iPad or put a movie on and I do my own thing next to them, while we share the experience. And it doesn't bother me like it used to if I don't end up finishing reading all my emails, or doing all the things I was planning to do - I can come back to it later, or the next day, or whenever - it's usually more fun to change direction and do what the kids want to do. (Occasionally I'll be working on something that someone else is waiting for, so I don't want to stop, and in those cases the kids are usually happy if I put a movie on until I'm finished and then they can have their turn on the computer).

It's the same during the day when I'm doing housework or sorting things out or reading or whatever I'm doing - if someone asks me to come and watch or come and play, I really try to say yes as much os the time as I can. What I'm doing can usually wait - spending time learning and exploring and playing with the kids is way more important than just about anything else, and I can always come back to the other activities. When I stop and play with the kids I've found it works best if I really do commit to playing, and be in the moment with them - if I'm still thinking about what I was doing and wondering when I can get back to it, then I'm distracted and not as fun a playmate, and I don't enjoying the playing or watching as much either.

I'm getting much more comfortable with the idea of not finishing tasks too - I can start something and get as much done as I manage, and if I'm interrupted for whatever reason that's fine. If I get back to it, great, if not, I can move it aside and finish it later, or let it go completely. I watch the kids do it all the time - work on something until they have had enough, then move on to another activity, without that stressful 'I Should finish this' feeling hanging over their heads. They are comfortable in doing what is important at the time, and not hanging on to activities because they were once important, but letting things go as priorities change. I like this, and as I practice it more myself I'm finding it quite liberating. Insisting on finishing something because we started it can stifle learning and interest and joy, and I'm not interested in doing that. The important things do get finished because there is motivation to come back to them, and those where interest has waned can be left and it doesn't matter. The learning happens in the doing of tasks, not the completion of them, and I love that I'm really learning how to enjoy and prioritise the process, not the end product.