Still tired

 It's 2 1/2 weeks since I tested positive for COVID, and while I feel a lot better - not feeling sick anymore - I am still tired and get breathless pretty easily.

I continued to rest through the full week of my isolation, and on Day 7 I still tested positive so stayed in iso while the kids went back out and about. I was so blessed to have friends and family drop off supplies and check in on me regularly, and the kids took care of the animals and getting food organised. Tony brought over takeaway several times so food was pretty easy. I was positive again on Day 11 and finally tested negative on Day 15. 

I haven't been doing much - a little bit of tidying up or packing the dishwasher or washing some clothes, and a few trips to drop the kids to work or at friend's houses. I've been doing a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle, but even sitting up to do that gets tiring after about an hour. Anything more strenuous and it's more like 10 or 15 minutes. So I've been spending lots of time reading, watching Netflix and Disney+, playing games on the computer, chatting on the phone - I can talk for a bit longer now before I get puffed out and it's usually not as bad as in that first week. Today though I was up for a while and played a board game with Tony - by the end of that I was finding breathing quite hard, it was breathlessness like I'd had early on. Lying down relieves it fairly quickly which is a good thing. There's a lot of smoke in the air today from burning off and a couple of nearby bushfires, so that's probably making the breathing a bit trickier.

It's a concern that there are so many people right now experiencing this. It's a disease that has quite an impact on so many people and I guess it's causing us all to slow down. I hope that people take the rest that they need and that case numbers start to fall, that people remain careful and - I don't know what else. I'd like it to start to have less of an impact on our world, but I do feel like that is a good way off yet.

Catching COVID

 Despite being super cautious, still wearing masks in public places, not going to many events or activities, I picked up COVID last week at our first homeschool camp for the year. I had decided not to organise a camp earlier in the year because the risk felt too great, but by this stage the kids were in desperate need of a few days away with friends, and I was too. We'd decided it was worth the risk and I stand by that even though I'm disappointed to have caught it. The weird thing is that I don't know who I got it from - no one else admitted to being sick, and no one else has caught it since I did, not any of my kids or the people I was hanging out with. Which is a relief, I was worried it was going to be a super spreader event. I guess I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time - and it shows how contagious this disease is. It's possible I didn't even talk to the person I caught it from, it could have been in the shared bathrooms at the caravan park.

I want to outline how the virus has played out for me, so that I don't forget.

Day 1

Woke up with a bit of a congested chest which worried me slightly, but then also had scratchy throat and eyes and runny nose so assumed it all part of the hayfever I'd been experiencing every morning. I was tired that day and spent hours just sitting and chatting and then curled up and reading, with no motivation even to go to the beach. I stood up after 2 hours reading and my entire body ached and I just wanted to sleep, even though I'd already had a nap before my reading stint. I decided instead to walk into town and see if the walk helped (I thought I might just be sore from an 8km walk the day before, combined with all the sitting around I'd done this day), and to pick up a RAT test while I was there. The walk was slow and I felt like I was getting a cold, feeling gradually worse and worse. When I got back to the caravan park and ducked into the bathrooms to do the test I had a really strong wave of dizziness. 

I did the RAT and glanced at it after about 5 minutes - a very strong second line was already showing. It was a horrible feeling, like a very bad dream, and I sat there for the rest of the 15 minutes trying to figure out what to do next. I ran into Caitlin as I left the bathrooms and we sat out the back working out the logistics - it was too late for me to pack up and go home that night, especially considering how unwell I was feeling, so Caitlin let the others know what had happened and I basically isolated (masked) at my tent for the rest of the evening. I did some tidying up so that pack up would be easier the next morning. My kids and the people we'd spent lots of time with did RATs and everyone else was negative.

Day 2

Felt like I had a nasty cold, and tired really easily. Felt like I had a fever. I was able to pack up with the help of the kids but had to stop and rest quite frequently. Talking and walking at the same time was tiring, as was standing up for too long at once. I had lots of offers of help and felt very supported and blessed to be surrounded by friends. We packed up and I drove home with one friend driving behind me in case things got too hard. It was a long drive, and I was masked so couldn't eat and drink like I normally do when I'm driving, and I didn't stop for a toilet stop so it was a huge relief to make it home! We put the tent up (cos it was wet) and the kids got the essential stuff out of the car and I went to bed. I was very very tired and had started to cough a lot as well - I felt like I had a bad head cold, with a dry cough. Sore sinuses and a runny nose, just very congested.

Day 3

The cough became more phlegmy and more frequent. My head felt a lot clearer, much less stuffy. I had no energy to do anything. Took the kids to get PCRs (Caitlin drove and I just curled up in the front seat and didn't want to move) - all negative. I walked out to the car to get something at one stage and walked too fast, was very puffed out for a while afterwards. Rested all day.

Day 4 

A bit more congested again and cough still happening. No loss of taste though. The breathlessness was worse- a 15 minute phone call had me puffing like I'd just run up a hill. In the night time I had night sweats which were horrible, especially when I got up to try and get some relief and then had breathlessness as well. Rested all day.

Day 5

Cough and congestion a little better, breathlessness much worse. Walking to the kitchen puffed me out. I really only have about 10 minutes of conversation in me and then it gets too tiring. Long sentences were hard work. Conscious of my breathing even if I wasn't doing much. Really smoky outside due to burning off so that didn't help with the breathing and meant I couldn't have the window open. Rested all day.

This is scary

I'm feeling scared today.

I'm worried that even after all the work we've done, everything we've been through, the virus will become out of control and our infection rates, and death rates, will climb and we'll all be personally impacted. I know people find lockdowns hard (I do as well) but living with the virus sweeping through the community seems way harder.

I saw lots of posts today (until I hid them all) about how it's propaganda, it's a government plan to control us all, that they are just using fear to make us do what they want. 

I agree that fear can be a powerful force, if you stir up enough fear about something then people will behave in ways they might not normally, and will accept suggestions (or rules) that they might not have done previously.

But.

Some things are worth being scared of, and of taking precautions to avoid. Bushfires are terrifying, and we prepare our houses and our yards, use regulated materials to build our houses, follow rules as to where we can plant trees, and leave on high fire danger days. Floods, heatwaves, storms, all are scary and we take precautions to avoid them and to protect ourselves against them. We follow rules to keep ourselves safe - wear seatbelts in the car, watch the safety demonstration on aeroplanes, wear harnesses when climbing or working up high, don't swim in waters where there are crocodiles or sharks or box jellyfish. We wear safety gear when it's appropriate - hard hats on construction sites, gloves and glasses and steel capped boots. Not all of those things that we are being protected from are as scary as others - but if something went wrong and we were not protected, it could be terrifying.

So just because everyone is scared of this virus, it doesn't mean that the government (which government? Did they all get together and decide to do this? Or did one government start it and then tell all the others - or have they all been tricked as well? I can't see how this could be orchestrated on such a global scale) has created it to control us. We're scared because it is scary. Getting sick, going to hospital, dying, losing friends or family - those things are all events that I want to avoid. And I'm really worried that that's where we are heading at the moment. I know lots of people have already experienced all of that and I don't want anyone else to have to go through that grief, and I can't imagine how much worse it will be if we are all in that situation.

If things do get worse then we will all adjust to the new way of being, but I don't want to have to do that. I will definitely take lockdowns over that option, even though this lockdown (6.0) is a massive shock and feels like a kick in the guts. But if it gets the numbers back down and we can start to see our friends again someday, then it will be worth it.

Lockdown 2.0, Days 103 & 104

 The last 2 days have been very busy which I didn't really expect - I'm feeling happy and very tired.

Even though we are allowed to travel a little further now and see more people, I wasn't keen on rushing out on the first day, I figured it would be crazy out there with everyone going new places. But then I though about Mum and Dad having been alone so long, and it felt important to see them as soon as possible. I spent the morning doing housework and photo work and proofreading, and had a Telehealth gynaecology appointment as follow up to my hospital trip a few months ago. We decided the best course of action from here was to book me in for a hysteroscopy and a D&C. I rang Mum and arranged to meet at Lillydale Lake - they were very excited at the plan. I went by myself, and we sat in chairs away from everyone else (there were so many cars in the carpark, it made me feel a little anxious - most people were jogging, or walking their dogs, and the grassy areas there are so big that we were able to sit quite a way from any other people. There were no large groups there, people mainly in 2s and 3s). We had some lunch and a snack and a great chat. We were swooped by a bird a few times - we each got hit in the head at least once (Mum about 3 times) so we moved our chairs away from the tree we were near. It didn't hurt us, it was just a bit of a shock each time. It was great to see my parents and a relief to see that Dad is getting around ok, even though he's obviously a bit slower and less robust than he was previously.

I headed home via the post office, and hung out with the kids a bit when a friend rang to say his son really wanted to see Millie and could we meet them at the Yarra Glen park. Amelie was very keen, and I wanted to see his wife who is my very good friend and who also has been unwell this year. So the girls and I went to the park, it wasn't crowded at all which I was relieved about (it was after 5). Great to see my friend in person after so many months and have a chat with her. The kids had a great play, Caitlin talked to us for a while and took one of the kids up to the skate park, and went and got our fish and chips for dinner. It was sunny by this stage (had been grey when I was with Mum and Dad) and not too cold, until the sun went behind the mountain then we headed home.

Back home we ate then went for a quick walk around the dam, I had a bath because I was pretty tired (and cold, there was a pretty icy wind when we were walking)

Today I didn't feel motivated to be very active so spent several hours working on photo stuff, which was quite productive. I had a Zoom meeting with my homeschool group in the afternoon, great as always to talk to my friends, the girls popped in and out to say hello as well. I had a call from Eastern Health - Healesville Hospital is opening it's lists next week for the first time since mid-March, so I was able to be booked in for my procedure next Tuesday morning - really soon and unexpected, but I am happy that it will be done quickly, and I'm very pleased that I don't have to go to Box Hill hospital.

I went to Healesville to do the shopping - the bulk food shop, the greengrocers, Coles, the library, and Aldi, then drove over to Yarra Junction to pick up my milk - now that we can travel 25km I can go and get it myself rather than the farmer bringing it over to Healesville. I enjoyed the drive and it was great to listen to my audio book. I got home and was exhausted - ate the soup I'd put on to cook this morning then had a quiet evening in bed reading and playing games. The girls came in to chat and look at the Peregrine Falcon for a while.

Lockdown 2.0, Day 102

 A big day today.

I slept in until after 8 - very unusual and a good way to pass a couple of hours before waiting for the press conference. Around 10 it was announced that the presser would be at 11, so we had breakfast (Tony cooked pancakes), Caitlin went for a run, and we were ready to watch at 11. I'm quite happy with the changes to restrictions, they are going to make life a bit easier and a bit more varied for us, and there's more changes coming in a week or two. From tomorrow we can travel up to 25km from home, and meet in groups of up to 10 people from 2 households. There's no time limit on how long we can exercise or socialise for. In a week or 2 we'll be able to see 10 people from any number of households, and have 1 family per day in our house. Retail and restaurants will open then too. It feels great to know that we are possibly on our way out of this - as long as numbers stay low (only 2 today). The press conference was stressful at times but I'm always impressed with the Premier and CHO and how well they handle the questions. I was also pleased to hear that Jacinda Adern has won the NZ election in a landslide - she's doing such a good job.

After the press conference I wasn't really sure what to do with myself. I'd been waiting for today for weeks and then felt a big anti-climax - none of the restrictions change today and I had no other real plans for today and not much motivation to do anything. We watched the falcons for a while and chatted. Caitlin and I did some yoga then jumped on the trampoline with Amelie and did some cartwheels. Tony fixed the fan belt in his car then went for a drive to make sure it was ok, the girls went with him and they went to the IGA and to Tony's work. I did the dishes and some work outside, then went for a walk with Luna. She had the lead on but I wasn't holding it, and she took off after some kangaroos - normally with the lead attached she doesn't run off. I finished my walk and didn't see her anywhere, and she wasn't home when I got back.

I suggested Caitlin have a driving lesson and we go and look for her - she normally comes running when she hears the car. WE drove around the property and still didn't see her, and up and down Houghton's Lane. I was really worried that she'd tried to cross the creek or gone into some blackberry bushes and got the lead caught on something (or, like she did last week, tried to go under a fence and got the clip of the lead attached to the wire). Tony was looking by this stage as well, and I suggested he get the Kabota so we could reach some of the off path areas - it was too wet for the car to go near the creek. Liam and Tony came down to look and went over the creek, Caitlin and I thought we heard her barking near the creek crossing, and she rang our neighbours and they went out to have a look as well - still no sign of her. I crossed the creek on foot and Caitlin and I hugged the banks on either side, Tony and Liam went up along the back of the property. I was getting really frantic, thinking she was stuck somewhere and it was getting dark, and I didn't know if we'd find her or if she'd be ok if we did - she's never been away from home that long any other time she's run after kangaroos, so I thought she had to be hurt or stuck. Just as I was getting really worked up, Amelie rang Caitlin to say that Luna had just appeared back at the house. Such a relief.

Back at home we call kind of collapsed into doing comfortable things - the girls watched Brooklyn 9-9, Liam played on the computer, Tony watched the Brownlow Medal and I listened to my audio book. The adrenalin in all of us is fading slowly and I think we'll all sleep well tonight.

Looking forward to seeing my parents this week, and some friends who I haven't been able to see in months - there's a few in my 25km radius, and others who's radius overlaps ours. The kids are figuring out who they can see and when - I think we'll take it pretty slowly, but we're definitely going to start to socialise a bit more over the course of the week.

Lockdown 2.0, Days 100 & 101

 Day 100 of lockdown!!! That feels pretty momentous. We talked about having a day 100 party but no one had any motivation to do anything about it. I celebrated by listening to a gorgeous song written about lockdown and shared on a friend's Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/thebengsons/videos/724609064791616.

I spent a good chunk of the day proofreading. I was thinking I should get the dishes done before I got started on the proofing, then realised I often put off the things I really want to do by saying 'I'll just do this first' and then run out of energy or get called to something else and miss out on what was important to me. So I proofed first and had a very enjoyable morning in my room reading. I had some lunch and did yoga outside with Caitlin and Amelie. We turned on our mats at one point and one of the chickens had nestled into the ground just behind us - cool to have a chicken join us for yoga. I did some more proofing in the afternoon but was a bit distracted and didn't enjoy it so much. I decided to go in to Healesville to get some more bread from the bakery (my favourite place to get bread) and maybe buy myself a hot drink and go on my Artist's Date for the week. I was delayed a bit by a few things and left much later than I'd planned. One of my delays was my phone slipping out of my hand as I tried to put it in my bag - it fell face down on our cork floor and the glass smashed - not the tempered glass screen protector, it's still fine, but the glass of the phone itself is cracked all over. I was pretty sad and just couldn't seem to pick up from there. The bakery was closed when I got there, so I went to Aldi, bought some cool things from the middle aisles and got some Aldi bread, and a peppermint chocolate milk drink and some chocolate croissants for myself. I drove to one of my walking spots within our 5km and took my food and drink and book and sat for a while. I got distracted easily (and there were lots of mozzies) and the croissants weren't really what I wanted... It was nice to be out by myself though and I stayed for about an hour, listening to my audio book and playing games on my phone for some of the time.

Back home I did the dishes and took Luna for a late walk around the dam. Liam cooked banana bread. Tony had had a huge day at work and had a long evening nap. It became an every man for himself dinner because I was exhausted - I had slept badly again. I watched some Umbrella Academy (I'm loving it more and more with every episode and love the quality of my computer screen) and chatted to the girls for a while before eventually going to sleep.

This morning I woke at 5am so had several hours to myself in the morning. When Amelie woke up she brushed and braided my hair (the first time she's braided). I chatted to the kids and Tony as they emerged, tidied up inside and outside. We spent a lot of time looking at a list of the 10 largest birds of prey, and researching the range of animals that they eat. Our favourite is the Eurasian Eagle Owl. We interspersed that with watching the Peregrine Falcon livestream. In the early afternoon we all played Cards Against Humanity (Family Edition). It was hilarious and very relaxing, and fun to have all 5 of us playing. Tony, Caitlin and Liam went for a run. I did some more tidying then sat and chatted with Caitlin while she crocheted, and we played Kiss, Marry, Kill. The others joined in for a while with that as well. I went for a long, slow walk and listened to my audio book, then did some work on the computer, and played the piano for the first time in ages.

I'm getting ready to head to bed for an early night, and eagerly looking forward to tomorrow - there will be announcements about what is happening with the restrictions. I'm swinging between thinking nothing much will change, and that heaps will be allowed. We had 2 cases yesterday and only 1 today - so things are certainly looking positive for some kind of easing. I'm less antsy about it than I though I would be, but I am very keen to hear what the plan will be going forward from tomorrow.

Lockdown 2.0, Day 99

  I was awake for about 3 hours in the middle of the night last night - not sure why, just awake and tired but not able to get to sleep. So most of today was a bit foggy... I had a good morning, all the kids were up reasonably early and we talked and did things in the garden and around the house, Caitlin did some crochet, Amelie played Among Us and SIMS. I had a phone call from a friend, then a Zoom counselling appointment which was extremely helpful. It was great using my new computer too, the camera is better, and the sound, and the internet connection... Afterwards I did some work on my course and tried to do some proofreading for the 2 magazines I volunteer for - had technical difficulties with both so will try again tomorrow. I played a game on my phone for a while and had a nap.

I went for a walk once I was up, I could see dark clouds coming (it was warm today but cloudy) and wanted to walk before the storm if it came. Half way around the property the rain started - I had worn a rain jacket so only my legs got wet and I don't mind walking in the rain. It was pretty heavy, though there was no storm. I was exhausted when I got home, played on my phone again for a while and then had a bath. Tony played chess with Liam and Amelie, then went to get takeaway pizza and pasta for dinner. I ate my pasta in the bath, it was very cool.

I did a brief amount of tidying up then headed to bed where I'll do a bit of work then probably watch Netflix for a little while before hopefully falling asleep early.

Numbers were in single figures today, things feel a little more hopeful.