Lockdown 2.0, Day 102

 A big day today.

I slept in until after 8 - very unusual and a good way to pass a couple of hours before waiting for the press conference. Around 10 it was announced that the presser would be at 11, so we had breakfast (Tony cooked pancakes), Caitlin went for a run, and we were ready to watch at 11. I'm quite happy with the changes to restrictions, they are going to make life a bit easier and a bit more varied for us, and there's more changes coming in a week or two. From tomorrow we can travel up to 25km from home, and meet in groups of up to 10 people from 2 households. There's no time limit on how long we can exercise or socialise for. In a week or 2 we'll be able to see 10 people from any number of households, and have 1 family per day in our house. Retail and restaurants will open then too. It feels great to know that we are possibly on our way out of this - as long as numbers stay low (only 2 today). The press conference was stressful at times but I'm always impressed with the Premier and CHO and how well they handle the questions. I was also pleased to hear that Jacinda Adern has won the NZ election in a landslide - she's doing such a good job.

After the press conference I wasn't really sure what to do with myself. I'd been waiting for today for weeks and then felt a big anti-climax - none of the restrictions change today and I had no other real plans for today and not much motivation to do anything. We watched the falcons for a while and chatted. Caitlin and I did some yoga then jumped on the trampoline with Amelie and did some cartwheels. Tony fixed the fan belt in his car then went for a drive to make sure it was ok, the girls went with him and they went to the IGA and to Tony's work. I did the dishes and some work outside, then went for a walk with Luna. She had the lead on but I wasn't holding it, and she took off after some kangaroos - normally with the lead attached she doesn't run off. I finished my walk and didn't see her anywhere, and she wasn't home when I got back.

I suggested Caitlin have a driving lesson and we go and look for her - she normally comes running when she hears the car. WE drove around the property and still didn't see her, and up and down Houghton's Lane. I was really worried that she'd tried to cross the creek or gone into some blackberry bushes and got the lead caught on something (or, like she did last week, tried to go under a fence and got the clip of the lead attached to the wire). Tony was looking by this stage as well, and I suggested he get the Kabota so we could reach some of the off path areas - it was too wet for the car to go near the creek. Liam and Tony came down to look and went over the creek, Caitlin and I thought we heard her barking near the creek crossing, and she rang our neighbours and they went out to have a look as well - still no sign of her. I crossed the creek on foot and Caitlin and I hugged the banks on either side, Tony and Liam went up along the back of the property. I was getting really frantic, thinking she was stuck somewhere and it was getting dark, and I didn't know if we'd find her or if she'd be ok if we did - she's never been away from home that long any other time she's run after kangaroos, so I thought she had to be hurt or stuck. Just as I was getting really worked up, Amelie rang Caitlin to say that Luna had just appeared back at the house. Such a relief.

Back at home we call kind of collapsed into doing comfortable things - the girls watched Brooklyn 9-9, Liam played on the computer, Tony watched the Brownlow Medal and I listened to my audio book. The adrenalin in all of us is fading slowly and I think we'll all sleep well tonight.

Looking forward to seeing my parents this week, and some friends who I haven't been able to see in months - there's a few in my 25km radius, and others who's radius overlaps ours. The kids are figuring out who they can see and when - I think we'll take it pretty slowly, but we're definitely going to start to socialise a bit more over the course of the week.

Lockdown 2.0, Days 45 and 46

 It's been a very cold, wet weekend - I have never seen so much water at our place, the path at the bottom of the hill is a river and there's puddles of water everywhere that the ground isn't completely flat. Except for a short walk today I basically stayed inside all weekend, let go of any expectations and had a pretty relaxing, warm, fun and quiet time.

Yesterday morning Tony and I actually found ourselves in the kitchen together with time to have a cuppa and we sat and chatted and drank our tea and coffee, it was really really lovely. We created some patterns with a pencil and compass and then coloured them in while we chatted. This inspired me to get out a wooden spiral puzzle that Amelie couldn't really remember playing with - she and Caitlin and I made lots of patterns with it and had a lot of fun. I had a phone call with an old friend from Leeton - we can't remember the last time we talked, but she hasn't met Amelie so it's a very long time since we've seen each other. We knew each other's kids as toddlers, it's so funny to see photos of them now as teens (or older). It was wonderful to catch up. 

The kids and I watched Howls Moving Castle - Caitlin and I had seen it before, the others hadn't and they loved it. Tony was in and out watching bits of it, it was great to be inside and warm and cosy and enjoying a movie together. We ate popcorn, and some the meringues the girls had made the night before. Caitlin and I then watched slideshows of my photos, and experimented with different soundtracks. I planned to have an early night, so headed in to bed to read. The girls came and joined me and we chatted and laughed, and watched the cat chase her tail up on the railing above my cupboard. I went to bed much later than I'd intended but I really enjoyed the time with the kids.

Today was not quite as cold, but only marginally. Liam and I played War (card game) while he waited for Fall Guys to have enough players so he could show me the game. I really enjoyed watching it and had a go myself later on - I am terrible at it but really enjoyed it. Tony made pancakes while I did the dishes and the kids came to eat, so we were all in the kitchen together, it was fun. Caitlin and I went for a walk during a break in the rain, we waded through the river at the bottom of the hill (almost ankle deep) and went to check out the creek - the highest I remember seeing it. We thought about walking down the back of the property but the track was completely underwater and by then it was raining again so we headed home once we got to the far side of the dam. Tony went for a walk a bit later with Caitlin and Liam - Luna ended up on the other side of the creek (they think she fell in) and was too scared to come back over, so Tony went across to get her - an unexpected winter swim for him! I worked on my photos for a while and on a craft project I'm trying - it was frustrating and not working the way I'd like, so I will need to rethink it a bit. The kids watched some Try Guys and Danny Gonzalez on YouTube on the TV - I was enjoying the humour and suggested watching Schitts Creek because I'd heard it was pretty funny. Amelie loved it, the other two weren't sure and I enjoyed it but really didn't laugh much. I don't know if we'll be rushing back to watch it. Amelie spent a lot of the day chatting to a friend on the phone, managed a bit of a play outside in between rain sessions, and went into her room to watch YouTube when Caitlin put The Block on this evening. Caitlin brushed and braided my hair while she watched, then I came to bed early because I'm feeling a bit flat and figure a restful evening will always be helpful.

We had just over 200 new cases today, after a few days of under 200 - I really hope people keep getting tested and keep following the restrictions so that we have an accurate picture of the data and can hopefully start to ease things (just a little) in a few weeks time.

Lockdown 2.0, Day 32

I was enjoying being in a little news bubble (or maybe it's a no news bubble) - happily existing in our little family group and not being impacted by what was going on in the world beyond our driveway. I did see the numbers today when I was looking for something else (always dangerous to go near a news site if I don't want to see the news) - new cases below 400, but 17 deaths, so not good overall - but with no idea what the case numbers have been over the past few days, I was pleased to see that bit a tad lower. I'll keep up my news hiatus for a few more days and see how I'm feeling.

I slept really badly last night, so woke later than I'd planned. I'd wanted to go to Aldi at 8.30 and do an early morning shop - I left here after 9 and popped into Coles first, then the bakery, then did my main grocery shop at Aldi. It was pretty quiet and an enjoyable shop. Everyone was wearing masks, even the walkers I saw as I drove in and out of town. I was amazed at how much better I'm feeling this week than last - then I needed the girls to push the trolley and load and unload the groceries and I was still exhausted, today I was fine doing it all by myself. Back at home I worked in the yard for a while, chatted to Tony while I sorted our large pile of socks, then Amelie and I did some baking - she made snickerdoodles and I made waffles. I had a shower then a nap, then worked on my Facebook page for a while https://www.facebook.com/AnnieLouCreative/

I chatted to Tony's family on their Zoom call before going for a walk - I deliberately did not take my camera because I wanted to focus on walking and looking at the late afternoon sun - it was SO beautiful, the light was incredible - golden light with dark clouds to the north and east which created an amazing mood. (And I did wish I had my camera with me. I walked to the other side of the creek, I haven't done that for a few weeks and the trees over there have all grown a heap, the gap between trees and fence is much narrower than last time I was there. Luna loved all the smells, looks like there's been lots of animal activity over that side of the property (and we saw a fox).

Tone cooked a lamb roast for dinner - so delicious! We spent a bit of time trying to get my car started - I've been having battery problems and I ended up taking Tony's car to the shops this morning - it seems to be working ok now. We all watched Ninja Warrior together - 1st part of the Grand Final and a very exciting night to watch.

Lockdown 2.0, Day 4

I took my own advice this afternoon - when I got tired and headachy, I went to bed and watched a movie rather than pushing through. I watched 'The Light Between Oceans' - I knew it would be heartbreaking because I've read the book. It was well made and fairly true to the book. The crying didn't help my headache, but it did shift something and when it was finished I had energy to get up and do a few more things and I feel better than I would have if I'd just crashed and given up on my evening.

I had a headache pretty much all day, including when I was awake during the night. It came and went and I relaxed when it was bad (including having a nice long shower) and pottered around when it wasn't. I enjoyed my time outside patching the driveway and working on my compost. I did heaps of cooking again - finished the lemon cordial, made lemon-infused oil, and 3 jars of lemon butter - it's SO delicious and I'm excited to have it in the fridge. I watched YouTube with Caitlin and then the girls watched a series that Amelie likes for the rest of the day - I popped in and out and watched bits with them and chatted about the plot. I like seeing how they interpret different social situations and it was interesting to compare which characters we all liked and disliked.

I went for a nice long walk late in the afternoon, it was cloudy but not too cold, and Luna got to chase a fox down the back of the property, very exciting for her. It was a glossy red, healthy looking fox, I've seen a few here lately, the rabbit population must be thriving to give them lots of food.

I had a look at the news after my walk, and at Facebook, which seemed to bring on my headache again pretty quickly. The numbers are high again, health workers are getting sick, there's a small outbreak in NSW - too much scary news so I walked away from the computer and relaxed instead. I did a bit of my puzzle, watched my movie, and now that I've tidied the kitchen I'm going to do a bit more writing while we watch a Twilight movie and then enjoy my sleep.

Helicopters and frost

Last night I was relaxing in the bath after a big bushwalk, and I heard a helicopter overhead. Nothing unusual about that - but it kept getting louder and louder as if it was coming in to land  - then I remembered that there was frost forecast for this morning, and the grape vines have started to bud. I was hoping they'd have to send the helicopter in - both to save the vines from the frost, and because I LOVE helicopters. I called out to the kids (by this stage the noise was directly above the house so I figured they'd probably heard it but maybe not realised what was happening) and they ran outside to watch it land. Luna was terrified and was happy to have their company. Tony and the kids chatted a bit to the pilot before he headed off to wherever he stays on the frost nights.

The helicopter has come most years in spring, when there's a frost forecast for the next morning and there are already buds or leaves on the vines. It's job is to fly over the vines and created enough wind that the dew can't freeze and destroy the crop. Some other vineyards have big fans installed to do the same job, or have a sprinkler system installed which stops the water from freezing. If the new leaves are damaged in spring, the wineries will have to wait for a secondary crop which would mean that yield would be down significantly. Usually when the helicopter comes the temperature doesn't end up dropping enough to form a frost, so the pilot gets a good night's sleep somewhere and comes back and picks his helicopter up in the morning.

Last night we went to bed as usual and I woke at 2.40am to a noise I couldn't identify. I'd put the washing machine on timer so that it would wash overnight and at first I thought it was the spin cycle, although I couldn't ever remember the noise taking over the whole house. There as also what sounded like an alarm going off. Then I remembered the helicopter and jumped out of bed to see it - I went out into the carport (where it was pretty cold, just below zero I later found out) and could see the helicopter getting ready to take off (it was over near the sheds). The noise was phenomenal, echoing through the carport and practically shaking the house. The alarm sound was just the high pitch of the propellers whizzing around, and there was a deep throbbing sound as well. I watched it take off in the dark night (it had lights) which was exciting, then watched for a while as it flew back and forth over each area of the vineyard, under an almost full moon. It was totally worth getting up at 3am and standing in the cold to see it.

Luna was once again terrified and when I opened the back door she raced straight into the house (she's usually reluctant to come in). She curled up on the couch and was much happier. I watched the helicopter for a bit longer (from the warmth of inside) then went back to bed - it flew for half an hour then landed again and the noise was pretty loud the whole time. Tony and the kids didn't wake up - I was surprised. I heard it take off two more times through the night - a big night for the pilot this time. The temperarture hovered just below zero for most of the rest of the night, then warmed up quickly once the sun came up. I slept in a little due to being up in the middle of the night, so the frost was gone by time I went outside.

I love living where we do for so many reasons, and this was one that I don't think of very often - it's like a little value add to have the excitement of the helicopter on our property, and I also enjoy the strong reminder of how much agriculture is at the mercy of the weather. I'm grateful to live here and be surrounded by grapevines and that the company is in a good enough position to protect their assets - which helps with Tony's job security and income.

Stopping for anxiety

Yesterday morning I was feeling great - I was chatting to a friend online and saying how good I was feeling, and it was true. So I was very surprised a few hours later to discover that I was feeling incredibly anxious and definitely not so good anymore.

Because it was a surprise, so sudden, and without an obvious cause, I spent way too many hours trying to ignore it, pretend it wasn't happening, just get on with my happy day as I'd planned to. Which I know (usually in hindsight) is one of the worst ways to manage my anxiety. The more I push it down the more it bubbles up and can lead to me exploding or collapsing (or both).

Eventually, after I had dithered around and not got very much of anything done for a good chunk of the day, I went with it. I went into Yarra Glen for a while on my own (op shop, library, IGA - very relaxing), came home and watched a movie with the kids (Sing - they'd seen it, I hadn't, and I quite enjoyed it) then played a game of Korners (which I'd never heard of but had picked up at the Op Shop 2 hours beforehand) with all 3 kids - it was fun, easy to play but difficult to win, and resulted in lots of hilarity (which did have a slightly hysterical edge to it but it was a good release). After all that I was able to tidy up the kitchen a bit and then head to bed.

When I get stuck in my anxiety, I'm really best to take a few hours off and do stuff that I really love or that really relaxes me. If I don't, I feel like I SHOULD be doing other things - dishes, tidying, emails, whatever - but I can't quite get my head around doing them.  I start, and stop, and take ages, or stand around trying to decide what to do next, and all the time feeling guilty that I'm not doing what I should be, or resentful that I'm doing something that I don't want to be doing, and it makes my anxiety much much worse. Soon I'm listening to a voice in my head telling me how bad it is that I can't even manage my housework blah blah blah. The fear (and the voice feeds this) is that if I take a day off my 'responsibilities' then they might never get done.

But the opposite is true. I nearly always find that if I take an afternoon, a day, a few days off when I am getting anxious, and when I feel that antsy feeling of 'I should do.... but I really don't want to', then the next day (or even later that day) I do feel like doing all those things, I do them joyfully and easily and much better than I would have done them when I didn't want to.

I figured out what brought the anxiety on - a combination of little things really. I've been going to bed later than I'd like this week, so waking up later, and Amelie has been up before me a few days in a row - so no time alone first thing and I really treasure that time to reconnect with myself for the day. I didn't go for my walk - I know it's important, but sometimes getting the dog ready to go with me makes it feel to hard and I skip it - and I usually feel flatter or more anxious all day. Tony and a workmate had an awkward conversation about the puppy and I was worrying about that. I posted a few things on Facebook that I'd been putting off (sharing information, and organising an event) and putting myself out there like that had me anxious about responses. And I've had a lot going on in the last few weeks with Caitlin's birthday, her party, and a few other personal issues happening. Yesterday was the first day in over a week where I could just relax, and instead I saw it as a day to 'get lots of things done' - I forget that I often need the relax day first before I get up and get busy the next day.

And it's worked. I've woken up this morning, taken the puppy for a walk which was fantastic, had 2 awkward conversations that I've been putting off for ages (including sorting out the dog issue with Tony's workmate), I've done some gardening and some tidying up outside, and I really do feel fantastic and ready to get on with things today. And hopefully I'll remember that if that changes, if I feel like it's too much, that I can stop for a while again today (there's not a limit to how often I can do that, I don't need to ration out my self-care) and play with the kids or read my book or whatever, and it doesn't mean that I'm less worthy.