Lockdown 2.0, Day 98

 Another good day today. I got a heap of tidying and sorting done, spent lots of time with the kids and Tony and some on my own, and a friend called in to pick up his fruit and veg and we had a great chat. His son also came and he and Liam went for a walk to explore the island. I spoke to Mum (Dad wasn't having a good day, so it was good to spend some time letting her debrief) and another friend. The Tupperware I ordered a few weeks ago arrived, so I'm getting ready to resort my vegetables into my new veggie storers. Caitlin and I popped in to Yarra Glen to get the mail and send some more parcels (Caitlin received 3 things today, a birthday present and some stuff she'd ordered) and got a few things at the IGA.

It was warm today, the warmest day for a while, and very sunny. Sitting outside to chat was really pleasant, although the boys got a bit hot on their walk. Caitlin and I walked late in the day, around 7pm, and it was really lovely - easy to walk in a t-shirt and shorts. Caitlin cooked a vegetarian butter chicken for dinner - it was delicious!!! 

I'm feeling really good although starting to get a bit nervous about what changes might be announced on Sunday and what the consequences of those changes might be. I imagine I'll get more and more antsy as the week draws on - although I'll try to stay positive and not let it impact me too much.

Lockdown 2.0, Days 96 and 97

 I feel the last couple of days have been quite productive, which is not really that usual at the moment. I am exhausted though, I think tomorrow will be a rest day. 

Getting some work done in my room on Sunday seems to have freed me up to do other things around the house, it had really been hanging over me. I did bits and pieces of tidying and cleaning and helping the kids with things in the morning, and knocked over a few more jobs that I'd been wanting to get done. Caitlin and I did yoga and I talked to a couple of friends on the phone (separately). Caitlin baked some banana bread - 1 loaf for us (which didn't last long, it was delicious!) and 1 loaf for our neighbour across the road (we met him a few weeks ago when he came to see if we had any idea where the dogs who were killing his sheep were coming from). I took Luna for a long walk so that she didn't want to go with the girls, who walked over to deliver the banana bread. He was thrilled with the gift and the thought, and the girls were thrilled when he let them go in to the a pen and help feed a week old lamb! He's promised Caitlin some wool when he shears in the summer, and said that we are welcome to walk on his land which backs on to our place - running along the creek. I'm pretty excited about that as it's always looked so enticing! I took the car to meet the girls on their way back and Caitlin had another driving lesson.

We spent a lot of time watching the Peregrine Falcon webcam, the kids played lots of video games and talked to some friends. I had a great phone call with one of my oldest friends (in NSW, whose birthday was last week - always so good to catch up). I went to bed early to do some work and the girls came in to chat after a while, a nice debrief for the end of the day.

Today involved more Falcon watching, some online shopping (new chargers and adapters for my new laptop), and a bit of tidying up and outdoor work. We all headed to Healesville in the afternoon, the kids met with their friend and went for a walk, bought some chais, did a bit of shopping. I had an enjoyable afternoon of shopping, I went to the bakery, the bulk food shop (so happy that we have that in Healesville now!), the greengrocer, Aldi, the library (just to pick up my books from the click and collect table), Coles and the chemist, then picked up my milk. I ran into the kids a few times as we were wandering around which was pretty cool. I also ran into one of the other mums from Guides and we had a quick catch up - very exciting to see anyone I know!

Back home Liam went back online to play games and chat to his friends, Amelie played some SIMS, and Caitlin and I went for our walk. We went down the back and crossed the fence to explore along the creek of our neighbour's land. It was so beautiful, lots of access to the creek, a range of foliage, lots of cool trees to look at (also lots of blackberry bushes to navigate around, Caitlin got scratched a few times). I'm looking forward to exploring there a lot more. I was so exhausted by the time we got home though. I cooked some soup (nice and easy) and watched The Block with Tony, and I'm heading to bed as soon as I can.

It's now mathematically impossible for us to hit our targets for Step 3 before Sunday. It's likely however that some restrictions will be eased - I think this week is going to feel more and more stressful as we wait to find out what will change next week. I just want to be able to see people more easily, and I think that's the direction the changes will take. I hope.

Lockdown 2.0, Days 83, 84 and 85

 It's funny how quickly the days pass when I'm feeling content and happy. Last week seems like a distant memory, but this week has flown by and we're almost at the end of it. Caitlin's birthday tomorrow - I'm quite excited. Some of her presents have arrived and we've got lots of yummy food organised so it's going to be a fun day even though she's not able to see any of her friends.

I've kept fairly busy over the past few days (and been too tired to blog in the evenings). Tuesday was my usual shopping day, and this week the kids came with me. Caitlin and Liam went for a walk with Luna and met up with a friend, Amelie shopped with me. It was fun having some company. We ran into the big kids a few times, it was weird to see them out of the context of home, I haven't randomly run into them anywhere for many months now, we're always together! Wednesday I did a fair amount of work in our bedroom, clearing out everything on Tony's side of the room so that he can use the shelves and bookcases there for his stuff, and I can use more of the walk in wardrobe for my photography supplies. It looks good all cleared out, there have been boxes there for a very long time, it was exciting to finally take some action on them. Today Caitlin and I went to Yarra Glen to the post office, picking up a couple of her birthday presents and sending off some more parcels and letters. We browsed the lolly shop and popped into the IGA. 

In between those 'big' activities we've done yoga every day, been for a long walk every day, chatted about all sorts of things, spent a lot of time watching the birds around our house - there are 3 baby Welcome Swallows in the nest above our back door, sitting and watching the parents flit back and forth feeding them is really fun. The kids have played Among Us, Liam has spent a fair amount of time playing Terraria with friends, Caitlin and I have been cooking. This afternoon we watched Enola Holmes which was really really good. 

Numbers have stayed fairly low this week, the average is going down, it's feeling encouraging that restrictions might continue to ease.

Lockdown 2.0, Day 68

 A good day today. Numbers were low (only 35!) and I felt happy and relaxed most of the day. Beautiful weather again - and getting warmer. We had the fire on in the morning but let it die out, we did yoga outside in t-shirts and were plenty warm enough. I was a bit sore today from yesterday's yoga session, but today's theme was stretch and it was a much easier practice, I was worried about Amelie at the start of it because she was feeling anxious, by the end I was relaxed and able to be more present for her.

I mainly pottered around today, did some photo work and tidying, chatted with the kids. They watched YouTube and jumped on the trampoline and played Among Us. I had a nap when I felt sleepy - we stayed up late watching La Tour de France last night (until after midnight) because Caitlin and I wanted to watch a mountain descent - it was lovely lying in bed and chatting, looking at Instagram, watching the race - it did mean I was a bit tired today but that was fine, a nap caught me up nicely. Caitlin and I went for a late afternoon walk and explored a part of the property we haven't really been to before - there's always something new to see. Tonight the older kids are on a group call with their friends playing a new online game, Amelie is listening to her audio book, Tony is watching the Collingwood game and I'm about to head to bed to do some work on my course then read my book.

Today would have been the day we came out of Stage 4 if numbers had dropped quickly enough. There are a few concessions to our current Stage, as of today - curfew now starts at 9pm rather than 8, and we're able to have 2 hours of exercise or outdoor recreation, with 1 other person (rather than 1 hour of exercise only). So they are small changes but feel like a step towards opening up and it might make life a tiny bit easier.

Lockdown 2.0, Day 52

 Today was a good day. Pretty relaxing, although I got a lot done. New cases were under 100, woohoo!! It was sunny all day today too so that helped everything to feel cheery as well.

I got a fair bit done around the house, reorganising cupboards, tidying a few areas, dishes, outside work, in between doing number puzzles, chatting with the kids, checking email, doing some of my course etc. I helped Liam with some computer problems and admired the hammock that Amelie has set up under her top bunk - she's spent a lot of the day in there watching YouTube, she's also jumped on the trampoline and done some climbing. All 3 kids were awake and feeling good in the early afternoon, so we did our DIY chocolate spoon making - a whole heap of flavourings that we distributed amongst a heap of little cups, with different types of chocolate to melt and pour over, then stir in and leave the spoon standing. Once they are set, we can pull them out of the cups and stir them into hot milk to have flavoured hot chocolate. It was a lot of fun and it's going to be just as much fun to drink them over the next couple of weeks!

 Tony was chopping wood today with some of the other guys from work, they had a bit of a feast out there as well. He brought a load of wood back mid-afternoon, and Caitlin went with him when he went back to collect more. Luna went along as well and apparently had a great afternoon, running around the bush, getting pats, and getting bits of spare food. I went for a walk in the afternoon while chatting to a friend, then once we finished talking I crossed the creek (it was a bit tricky, it's still a little high) and went and sat for a while in a spot down near the back fence, in a stand of ti-tree. It was gorgeous there, seeing the wind rustle the tops of the trees and the reeds, hearing all the different birds, and feeling a long way from anywhere. I was tired when I got back so lay down and listened to music for a while. We had gnocchi with pork ragu from the restaurant again - SO delicious. Caitlin spent the evening playing an online game with a bunch of her friends, and I did some work on my photos.

Lockdown 2.0, Day 41

 Today was quite a busy day, which is a bit (a lot) of a novelty these days. Although really exhausting - I'm not used to having more than one thing happen in a day, now I'll need several quiet days to recover.

I woke early (5.30) and I love being up at that time of day so I had a cup of tea and did some writing and checked my email and so on. I remembered at some point that I'd thought about doing another Strength Training Class with The Compound this morning - I ummed and ahhed for a while then figured I could put it off forever so I'd be better off just doing it. I booked in and spent the next couple of hours worrying about how hard it was going to be.

It was very hard. I've lost a lot of condition over the past few weeks with the bleeding (which did eventually stop, after 3 weeks) and my sore back. I got quite light headed about 3/4 of the way through the session and had to stop for a while - I need to remember next time to work at my own pace and not try to keep up with everyone else. It was cool at the end to have a quick chat with Clem and let him know how excited we were to watch him on Ninja Warrior.

Caitlin and I watched a movie (Its Kind of a Funny Story) while she crocheted, then a friend popped past to pick up some hot chocolates from the Chocolate Factory - Liam and his friends are going to celebrate the Hot Chocolate Festival via video call seeing as we can't all go together like we usually do. I went to Healesville to pick up my milk, and while I was there I dropped off some more hot chocs to another friend, then did our weekly shop at Aldi. I thought it might be busy at 4.30 in the afternoon but it was reassuringly quiet.

I got home and took Luna for a walk - just a short one, around the dam, because I was pretty tired after my class and the shopping trip. Social interactions are also more tiring than they used to be - even though they are great, even brief, socially distanced interactions. The house smelt great when I got home as I'd put soup on to cook in the morning. Tony brought home some gnocchi he'd ordered from the restaurant at work so we had that with it's accompanying mushroom sauce - delicious! The soup will keep for another day. I was suddenly extremely tired and everything seemed very difficult, so I was very happy to relax on the couch and watch Ninja Warrior - we Facetimed with friends to watch together and it was a fun evening. I went to bed as quickly as I could afterwards and read my book - it was great to leave the evening housework and just rest, I can catch up with all of that tomorrow.

The number of new cases is trending nicely down, although deaths are still fairly steady. The kids (the girls in particular) are getting more and more restless - it's hard to not even be able to take Caitlin with me when we go shopping, she really needs to get out of the house - although this is the first time it's really been bothering her, which is quite impressive. 

Lockdown 2.0, Day 39

 I felt really disheartened today. Everything seemed too hard and I was quite teary. I spent too long on Facebook reading posts that annoyed me, the printer wouldn't work, I got frustrated at people not helping out around the house... I couldn't decide how I wanted to spend my time and was just really agitated. Being outside was good for a while, working hard and being in the cool air (it was raining on and off, but not heavily (there was heavy rain later on)). I did some puzzles then had a long chat with Tony. He suggested I have a bath so I took one of my new library books into the bath and ate chocolate and Tony brought me a big mug of hot chocolate. I felt much better when I got out, although quite tired. I lay down for a while then worked on my photos. I went for a long walk in the hour before sunset - the clouds to the east again had a brownish orange tinge to them, it was pretty spectacular. I was listening to a battle scene and the aftermath in my audio book (Book 1 of the Wheel of Time) and the atmosphere of the dark clouds and the storm front felt quite appropriate. I went over the creek - the water was probably as high as I'm willing to cross, and unusually it was trickier coming back over than going across the first time. I had my camera with me which made me a bit more cautious, I'd like to try it at that height without my camera next time. Once home I tidied up for a bit then we all watched State of Origin Ninja which was quite exciting. 

The girls watched Bolt and Grease today in a bit of a John Travolta marathon (is 2 movies a marathon?) and Amelie played Minecraft on the phone with a friend. Caitlin crocheted a little teddy bear and Liam played on his computer and chatted to a friend. Tony took care of a bunch of housework while I rested.

I wonder if my mood was strongly influenced by my Facebook feed or if I would have been out of sorts today anyway. I felt like there was a lot of complaining this morning - complaining and scapegoating, which I think is the bit that got me. I don't deny that Stage 4 is hard on just about everyone. I don't like it and I feel like on the whole we've got it pretty easy. Everyone is missing out or has missed out on things. And regardless of individual circumstances, some people are finding it harder than others. I think we can acknowledge how hard it is though without having to blame someone for it, or spend a lot of time say 'if only so and so had done this at that point.' Maybe things would have been different if things were done differently earlier on. Interestingly though, a lot of the people who are now complaining are also the ones who were pushing to have restrictions eased last time. For me, the easiest way to get through this is to accept that this is what the situation is right now. We are in Stage 4, regardless of how we got here. So from this point if each of us makes choices that are in line with the restrictions, finds way to bring joy to our lives when we can, acknowledge how difficult it is when we can't, reach out to each other for support and provide support to others - I think that's all we can do. It's what I'm aiming to do anyway. 

Lockdown 2.0, Day 38

Another restless night, but no real time awake, just lots of tossing and turning. I woke up early and had a lovely few hours by myself, doing some writing, checking my email, getting the dishes done. My energy feels almost back to normal and my back is much better, so I was able to do a bit of work with the compost and patch some more holes in the driveway, nice to get back into it.

I made a batch of waffles and Tony cooked some bacon and eggs, so we all ate well this morning. After lunch I spent a few hours sorting stuff that we'd dumped into boxes, and clearing a few areas that had built up piles of stuff over the past couple of months. It was fun and I feel like I made some progress. Caitlin and Liam went for a bike ride, Tony joined them for some of it, Amelie played on the trampoline - she's almost got her front flip, her feet hit the tramp just before her bum, so she's SO close. She also spent time chatting to a friend and playing Roblox. Caitlin started crocheting little animals, and Liam played computer games with a friend. I worked on my course for a while then went for a walk in the hour before sunset. There were heavy grey clouds in the east, with an orangey tinge to them, it was very moody and atmospheric, and very pretty. Luna was tired after running with the kids on their bike ride so I walked completely by myself - I haven't done that in a long time and it felt quite liberating!

I cooked a curry for dinner - vegetarian, but there was chicken in the fridge so those of us who wanted meat added some to our bowls. The girls watched Avatar: the Last Airbender on and off throughout the day, so I saw bits of that too and continue to really enjoy it. After dinner Caitlin and I watched Top End Wedding. I started a new blog where I'll review tv shows, movies and books (https://readingandwatchingjoyously.blogspot.com/).

I briefly saw the numbers this morning and it was around 300. Feels steady, although it also feels like a long way until things feel ok in Melbourne. I don't even know how long we've been in Stage 4 lockdown, but there is a long way to go. I'm not feeling down about it, more resigned (and a little bit bored - but I can still have good days, like today, so we'll be ok).

Lockdown 2.0, Day 16

A good day today. 300 cases which is trending in the right direction. Caitlin and I got our test results back and we are both negative - thought that would be the case but it’s still a huge relief.

I was up early (before 6) which is my favourite way to start the day. I spent the morning on the computer and doing the dishes, working on the yard, chatting with the kids. Caitlin did some more sewing (she’s making a giraffe). Amelie was feeling out of sorts, she Skyped with a friend then Liam and her friend’s brothers joined in and they all played Werewolf.

I made a picnic lunch for myself (after feeding the kids) and went across the creek to my favourite spot where I sat and drank tea and read my book and ate my food. It was a wonderfully relaxing way to spend an hour. I took lots of photos too. I nearly let the neighbour next to the back of the property - she just waved to me from a distance.

I did some work on my photos then had a beer with Tony while he got the pizza oven going, and we sat outside near the fire, while Amelie jumped on the trampoline in the dark. After dinner Liam, Caitlin and I watched Point Break (I’m on a bit of a Keanu binge) - it was WAY more violent than I remembered- there were bits of it I couldn’t watch. We enjoyed most of it though and I’m glad the kids have seen it. More Gilmore Girls afterwards and Caitlin brushed them straightened my hair - it made for a late night but so relaxing that it was worth it.

Lockdown 2.0, Day 13

Numbers in the high 300s again today. So that’s stable-ish but not going down really, yet. I really really hope things start to drop off soon, we’re nearly 2 weeks into lockdown so if we don’t see results in the next few days I guess more changes will be needed. Lots more people were wearing masks this morning at Coles - at least one on 3 people I’d say, maybe more. It was cool seeing all the different designs and styles.

I had a good night’s sleep last night and my headache today was only a dull ache. I felt so much better, in a good mood and with lots of energy. Hung out with Liam for a bit in the morning then went to get the milk, stopped at Coles and the bakery on the way home. (And discovered that the bread from the bakery near Coles is not as soft and delicious as the one near the traffic lights). The kids and I played a bunch of games in the afternoon, we all had a turn at Get Over It (I’m getting better), and Cards Against Humanity Family Edition hilarious as always. Our dishwasher stopped working yesterday (happens occasionally) so I had all the dishes from my rest day yesterday plus what was in the dishwasher - I made a fair dint in them. We watched more Gilmore Girls and Caitlin and I went for a late afternoon/early evening walk. We had stroganoff for tea - using kangaroo meat, it was delicious.

Lockdown 2.0, Day 8

I'm obviously becoming a bit immune to the news. 317 cases overnight - I know that's a huge number, but it doesn't upset or shock me like previous record numbers have. If it stays at that level for more than a few more days though then I'll be worried (not that I'm not worried now, but I'm hoping that this is just catching those people who were infected around the time the lockdown started, and that soon we'll start to see the results of isolation. Assuming that enough people have actually been doing what they should be and staying at home when they can. There were a lot more masks worn in Yarra Glen today - the first 4 people I saw in the IGA had masks on, and I've probably only seen 4 there at all over the past several months.)

I stayed in my slump overnight - slept badly and woke with a bad headache, and just felt really low. I slept until after 8 which is really unusual for me, although is happening sometimes now if I am awake a lot during the night. I didn't do much in the morning apart from a long, hot shower which helped a little with my headache. I took Caitlin back to the nurse to have her hand checked and dressed again - there's a little bit of blistering and swelling but on the whole it looks pretty good. We did a really quick grocery shop, then came home so I could have my counselling appointment over Zoom. It was  a good session and helped me to feel calmer about a few things and gave me some ideas for how to improve some stuff that's been bothering me.

I watched Gilmore Girls with the girls and played on my phone for a while, then we went for a walk. The girls just went around the dam then headed home, I went across the creek and way down the back and chatted to a friend as I walked. It was a mild afternoon and the late afternoon sun made the clouds quite pretty. I felt a lot better by the time I got back - my mood had lifted and my headache not so overwhelming. I did a bit of work on the driveway, chatted with Tony and did some proofreading while Caitlin cooked nachos for dinner. I did the dishes then played Unocorns (a Unicorn themed version of Uno) with Amelie. I watched Liam play Get Over It for a while - he makes it looks so easy! He showed me a video of someone doing a speed run through the game - it looked amazing! It was nice to hang with Liam for a bit - he's quite nocturnal at the moment so some days we don't cross paths much. I'm feeling really tired now though quite happy so it's a nice way to end the day.

Lockdown 2.0, Day 5

Feeling really happy this afternoon. I had one of my favourite kind of days (apart from days spent with friends). I pottered around the house, sorting and tidying, a bit of cleaning, in between writing, reading, playing games on my phone, watching TV (Brooklyn 9-9) and movies (the 1st 3 Twilight movies) on and off, chatting to the kids and on the phone with friends. I took my time over things, didn't worry about finishing tasks, just did what naturally felt right to do next. A walk in the late afternoon with beautiful sunlight over the vines, chatting to a friend then listening to my audio book, and then playing Get Over It on Liam's computer - a repetitive game that I'm very slowly getting better at and that I found soothing rather than frustrating.  Tony has cooked dinner so I'm about to curl up and eat and then watch the rest of Eclipse with the girls. I haven't looked at the news and spent little time on Facebook and on the whole I'm feeling more positive about everything.

Stopping for anxiety

Yesterday morning I was feeling great - I was chatting to a friend online and saying how good I was feeling, and it was true. So I was very surprised a few hours later to discover that I was feeling incredibly anxious and definitely not so good anymore.

Because it was a surprise, so sudden, and without an obvious cause, I spent way too many hours trying to ignore it, pretend it wasn't happening, just get on with my happy day as I'd planned to. Which I know (usually in hindsight) is one of the worst ways to manage my anxiety. The more I push it down the more it bubbles up and can lead to me exploding or collapsing (or both).

Eventually, after I had dithered around and not got very much of anything done for a good chunk of the day, I went with it. I went into Yarra Glen for a while on my own (op shop, library, IGA - very relaxing), came home and watched a movie with the kids (Sing - they'd seen it, I hadn't, and I quite enjoyed it) then played a game of Korners (which I'd never heard of but had picked up at the Op Shop 2 hours beforehand) with all 3 kids - it was fun, easy to play but difficult to win, and resulted in lots of hilarity (which did have a slightly hysterical edge to it but it was a good release). After all that I was able to tidy up the kitchen a bit and then head to bed.

When I get stuck in my anxiety, I'm really best to take a few hours off and do stuff that I really love or that really relaxes me. If I don't, I feel like I SHOULD be doing other things - dishes, tidying, emails, whatever - but I can't quite get my head around doing them.  I start, and stop, and take ages, or stand around trying to decide what to do next, and all the time feeling guilty that I'm not doing what I should be, or resentful that I'm doing something that I don't want to be doing, and it makes my anxiety much much worse. Soon I'm listening to a voice in my head telling me how bad it is that I can't even manage my housework blah blah blah. The fear (and the voice feeds this) is that if I take a day off my 'responsibilities' then they might never get done.

But the opposite is true. I nearly always find that if I take an afternoon, a day, a few days off when I am getting anxious, and when I feel that antsy feeling of 'I should do.... but I really don't want to', then the next day (or even later that day) I do feel like doing all those things, I do them joyfully and easily and much better than I would have done them when I didn't want to.

I figured out what brought the anxiety on - a combination of little things really. I've been going to bed later than I'd like this week, so waking up later, and Amelie has been up before me a few days in a row - so no time alone first thing and I really treasure that time to reconnect with myself for the day. I didn't go for my walk - I know it's important, but sometimes getting the dog ready to go with me makes it feel to hard and I skip it - and I usually feel flatter or more anxious all day. Tony and a workmate had an awkward conversation about the puppy and I was worrying about that. I posted a few things on Facebook that I'd been putting off (sharing information, and organising an event) and putting myself out there like that had me anxious about responses. And I've had a lot going on in the last few weeks with Caitlin's birthday, her party, and a few other personal issues happening. Yesterday was the first day in over a week where I could just relax, and instead I saw it as a day to 'get lots of things done' - I forget that I often need the relax day first before I get up and get busy the next day.

And it's worked. I've woken up this morning, taken the puppy for a walk which was fantastic, had 2 awkward conversations that I've been putting off for ages (including sorting out the dog issue with Tony's workmate), I've done some gardening and some tidying up outside, and I really do feel fantastic and ready to get on with things today. And hopefully I'll remember that if that changes, if I feel like it's too much, that I can stop for a while again today (there's not a limit to how often I can do that, I don't need to ration out my self-care) and play with the kids or read my book or whatever, and it doesn't mean that I'm less worthy.

Back at home

It's good to be home. Although I would have been happy to continue travelling for longer, even permanently, I'm also very glad to be back in our house and the familiar surroundings. It is a little odd though, it seems familiar and strange at the same time.

The kids have loved being back and have settled into their comfort activities. LiAM spent a lot of time playing the Xbox yesterday, playing with his new Skylanders game, and Amelie joined him on and off. Caitlin has been on the phone to friends and went for a sleepover last night, with the girl who she spoke to nearly every day on the trip. Millie has found her comfortable clothes and spent time with her toys and watching LiAM and playing on the iPad. I've pottered around the house, putting things away, reorganising where things are, playing the piano, organising my photos, reading, watching TV. Tony has watched football and the Olympics and went to see his junior baseball team play.

Over the next week I guess we'll start venturing back out into the world of our home life, seeing friends, shopping, starting back at some of our activities. I'm really hoping (and will try to stay aware) that I'll be able to continue the relaxed pace of life and thought that we have been living on the trip, and that I'll be able to slow down and step back, take a breath or a break before I become overwhelmed by things, and be able to put my energy into the actions that will help everyone be happy and peaceful, rather than getting caught up in too many things and not having time to assess and prioritise.

Karate, Guides, friends and car service

This is the first full week of school term and all our activities are back on. On Tuesday we mainly stayed at home. We played Titan, played Minecraft, watched TV, Millie and I watched some Pokemon, we did Sudokus, played cards, played with Barbies and pillow pets, jumped on the trampoline, Millie did some more drawing, we read books. In the evening we went to karate - Amelie came with as Tony was at work - she could have joined in, though chose not to yet. She watched from the side and played on the iPad. I really enjoyed being back - I was a little worried about my knee, but I'd warmed it up before we got there, and strapped it, and I was very careful doing kicks (it meant that I really concentrated on doing them correctly), and it was fine. There was one leg sweeping move that one of the black belts was teaching us that looked too risky for a questionable knee, so I sat that one out - one of the things I love about this dojo, that no one is expected to anything that they are not comfortable with. The kids played in the playground after karate which for Amelie especially made the evening much more fun.

After karate we popped into Coles for more chocolate milk and a snack, then home for a late dinner of potato wedges and dim sims. Tony came home after we did, and had some dinner then went to the shed to practice his darts for Wednesday night. He's trying to get to bed a bit earlier because he's working so much, so I'm doing more of the helping everyone get into bed part of the night, which means I'm going to bed later than I usually do, and then waking up later as well. I think I'm getting the same amount of sleep, just at a different part of the night, and it's taking me a little bit of time to adjust.

So Wednesday morning I didn't wake up until 8.10, and I was dropping the car off to be serviced at 9! I quickly cleaned everything out of the car and grabbed something quick to eat (raspberries and cream). H had come over to be with the kids so I took the car down, then walked to the bus stop in the rain which was quite pleasant. I thought the next bus was at 5 past 10, but there was one at 9.30, so I was home again within 40 minutes of leaving. All the kids were up once I got back and H was getting them breakfast.

H and Caitlin spent most of the day sewing, making a halter neck top for Caitlin. It was very cool to watch the process, as neither of them had done it before and they didn't have a pattern, and they worked together to figure it all out as they went, and tried different ideas and adjusted as necessary. The top is beautiful and looks well made, I was impressed and inspired by the way they just had a go and worked it out. H also helped Amelie make some clothes for her barbies, and they played with the dolls for a while. The kids played Minecraft with H and watched some TV. I was able to a heap of tidying up and cleared most of our kitchen table which was quite exciting, haven't seen that much of the table for a while!

In the afternoon V came over to play with LiAM, they tried to play Jetpack Joyride but we couldn't update our copy, so they played Minecraft and then went outside on the trampoline and swing. I had a cuppa with R, then she took Caitlin with her to get S from school and go to S's swimming lesson. I caught the bus back to Healesville to pick up the car (which now has a new battery, hurray! Hopefully we won't be stuck unable to start the car anymore for a long time now). H had got the kids ready and I piled everyone into the car on my way back through. I took V home and left my kids at his place, H and I took Caitlin to Guides then H drove home. I had a good chat to L while I watched her boys on the trampoline, then back to pick my kids up and a quick cuppa, then picked Caitlin and some friends up from Guides, dropped the friends off and then home. It felt like a complicated afternoon, but it worked quite easily and everyone got to be where they needed to be and had a good time.

We had a bit more food, Caitlin did some more puzzles, we watched Heartland (they are now showing Season 3 on ABC3, which we have seen on DVD but not on TV, so we were quite excited) then Amelie and I went into the bedroom to watch Pokemon until she was tired enough to sleep. I was in and out with the others while she was watching.  Caitlin watched a movie about horses. LiAM did an online survey that asked for a 6-11 year old boy - I was reading the questions for him and he was able to read about half of the answers, picking up a few new words along the way. Tony came home while were all still awake and was able to help LiAM get to bed and we all made it to sleep a bit earlier than the night before (although still quite late). Actually Caitlin has been reading a lot in bed too, so she's going to bed with the rest of us then reading for an hour or two, she's immersed in the sequel to The Princess Academy and she's really loving it.

A hot quiet day with multiple sleepovers

Yesterday was hot (37 degrees, so not the hottest day we've had this summer, but quite warm) and we had no plans to go anywhere - I decided to really work hard on keeping the house cool and to see if we could manage to be home all day - often it gets too hot inside and we go out because we're so uncomfortable. So I concentrated on closing the blinds and windows at the right time and turning the air conditioner on earlier than I thought I'd need it, so that it didn't have to cool the house down as well as keep it cool, and it was fine inside. Around 4.15 I started to feel hot, and turned the air con in the bedroom on as well, and that helped to keep it bearable. I think it also helped that we weren't going in and out through the door all day, LiAM and Millie and I stayed inside pretty much until after 4, so there was no hot air being let in. It is encouraging to know that if we really want to, we can stay home on a hot day.

It was a pretty quiet day overall. I pottered around and did housework, Millie played with her barbies and soft toys, I mended a few of her toys that were broken, LiAM played  Plants v Zombies Garden Warfare, Millie watched him for a while, we all played with the animal/fish game that we bought the day before (LiAM is very good at it), we had pancakes for lunch, I tried all day to put off reading more of my book (because I was loving it so much, I wanted to have a big chunk of time to read it when I went back to it, especially as I was getting close to the end) - then I realised I was not getting much done anyway because I was thinking about my book, so I went and read for a while, and felt better, and then got on with tidying up (I wrote about doing things that way only a couple of days ago, and I keep forgetting that it's ok to have breaks, to do enjoyable things, before I finish all my work. Hoping that if I keep reminding myself that it will get easier all the time, and I'll be more content more often). I also played the piano a few times and did some Spanish - I hadn't been doing much of either lately and I'm excited to get back into them.

Caitlin came home around 4.30, and the girls did their nails and looked at some stuff Caitlin wanted to show S. They both looked gorgeous in new dresses from the op shop in Yea. Caitlin was going to go and stay the night with S, and V was staying here with us - as they were also having 2 girl cousins over for the night and he preferred not to be so surrounded by girls. The boys started playing The Lego Movie game and apart from a bit of a jump on the trampoline once it cooled down a bit, they played that all evening and well into the night. They did a really good job of negotiating which bits they were going to play next, what their strategy would be, which character they would play and so on, I was very impressed.

Millie went with Caitlin to play with S's cousins, who were about Millie's age. The plan was that we would go and get her later in the evening, but when we said we were coming she was upset that she wasn't staying the night. She seemed quite settled and happy there so we let her stay and have heard this morning that she was fine. She'll be thrilled, because it probably feels like her first sleepover that is for her with her friends, rather than staying somewhere just to be looked after because Tony and I were going out.

We had to move Snowy and the chicks from her little safe spot again. It's getting easier each night for me to reach in there and grab her, I'm less scared each time that she's going to peck me (or less concerned about being pecked, if she gets me she gets me, and it will be fine). It sometimes amazes that I can handle the chickens so confidently, when they used to freak me out a lot more when we first got them. It's cool that the kids, especially Millie, are so comfortable and confident with them, they won't have the fear around animals that I had for so long.

Perfect start to the week

I was away at an ABA conference over the weekend, so yesterday the kids and I were all in need of some down time and reconnecting time. We had a really lovely day at home, all doing things together and individually as the mood took us, and it all flowed really well.

I spent time checking my email, reading my book (Blue Lily, Lily Blue, the 3rd book in the Raven Cycle by Maggie Stiefvater), learning Spanish, playing the piano, doing bits and pieces of housework, chatting on the phone, reading bits of LiAM's game for him, talking to the kids about the games they were playing & shows they were watching, painting with Millie, cleaning the blocked drain in the shower with Caitlin, playing Minecraft (Pixelmon) with Millie, and playing Titan on the iPad on my own and with Tony(Titan is a fantasy board game that Tony and I both played a lot in our younger years, and we get it out occasionally now. The kids and I have been playing and LiAM in particular was so excited about it and finding it frustrating to wait to play when either Caitlin or I were not available. So I found an iPad version and it is very accurate and means we can all have a play on our own even if the others are not available).

Caitlin visited our neighbours a couple of times, on her own and with the other 2 kids, rode her bike, skyped with friends, played Minecraft (with friends), made loom band present charms, watched a Disney version of A Christmas Carol, helped me unblock the shower drain, painted with Millie (we all did butterflies), played with the cat.

Millie played Minecraft, watched Liam play Plants v Zombies Garden Warfare, played with her stuffed toys, played duplo lego dinosaurs and horses, visited our neighbour, helped us play Titan, painted lots of butterflies.

LiAM played Titan, played Plants v Zombies Garden Warfare, helped Tony and I with our Titan game, discussed all the games and the strategies he was using in a lot of detail, played Duplo lego dinosaurs and horses with Millie, visited our neighbours and went for a run.

There was conversation flowing on and off all day, and everyone seemed to have enough downtime and time alone to feel recharged, and enough time playing with other people to feel connected. It was my favourite kind of day, a home day with everyone doing their own thing and interacting and co-operating without any pressure.

Tony's day off

Tony had the day off yesterday. It's so great having him at home. In some previous years his day off could end up being quite stressful - I think I would spend all week hanging out for his day off, and have massive expectations for what we might achieve on that day, and then we'd both be tired and none of what I'd planned or hope for would happen, and I'd end up cranky. But that doesn't happen anymore (which is great!). I just love having him around, and I think I'm much better at not building up expectations, for myself or anyone else, and instead going with what happens on the day and what we all feel like.

Tony got up when Millie woke up, so I had a very rare sleep in - it was wonderful. When I got up, LiAM, Tony and Millie were playing Terraria together, then Millie came and played Minecraft while LiAM played Village Life. I pottered around and chatted with the kids and Tony, then he went and had a nap. Once he woke up he and the girls went to pick up the trampoline we had bought on ebay - our mat had died, and we'd bought a new one but it didn't fit properly, so buying a cheap 2nd hand trampoline just like our old one seemed like the best way to go. They also did an Aldi grocery shop so we're nicely stocked up on food now too!!! LiAM stayed home with me - we watched Wolfblood together for a while, then I went into my room to read my book (the 2nd book in the Fifty Shades series - I didn't know whether I'd like them but I really really love them) and really enjoyed having the down time. It was funny, in the morning I kept thinking 'after I've done the dishes and put the washing on etc I can go and read my book). But the whole time I was trying to do housework I was distracted and edgy because I just wanted to read. Once I let myself go and relax and read I felt great - I finished my book (after stopping and getting lunch for LiAM and myself) and then felt nurtured and recharged, and happily came out and did the housework I'd wanted to do, quickly and with enjoyment. A lesson I hope I can remember in the future! Nurture myself first, the housework will be more fun when I'm feeling great, rather than slogging through it because I feel like I have to...

Once the girls and Tony came home Millie and I played with lego for a while. Caitlin started making labels with her new label maker, lots of fun for her discovering how to use it and all the options she could use. After another nap Tony and Caitlin and I set up the new trampoline (actually we used the new springs on our current trampoline and that worked perfectly) and the girls had a long awaited jump. Tony and I packed up the camper trailer - it had been up in our yard for a while - it kept getting wet before we had a chance to pack it up - and then I hooked it up to my car and reversed it into our carport!!! Felt very proud of myself, and more confident now that I could take the kids to a caravan park myself and get the camper trailer in position and set up.

Millie and I played a chasing hiding game while I got the washing in, then we all played iPad games, chatted, watched TV and hung out for a while while Tony cooked some butter chicken. I also talked to a friend on the phone. We all ate together at the table then had apple pie and cream for dessert. I went to bed and the others joined me shortly where I read a couple of chapters of Eldest (book 2 in the Inheritance series). The big kids stayed up for a while longer but were happy to let the rest of us go to sleep.

More thoughts on life is good

A couple of mornings ago I was questioning my position on feeling that life is good at the moment. I was exhausted from being sick for so long, and from looking after the rest of my family who were also still sick. It felt like we were never going to get better. I kept coughing and was short of breath and woke up feeling teary about everything. I was cranky with Tony and managing JUST to not be snappy with the kids, but felt like everything they asked was too hard. And things that I had been coping ok with suddenly seemed like big disasters. Emails I'd been meaning to send that I'd put off because we were sick, felt urgent now and I felt like a failure for not getting them out earlier. The housework that I had left for later because we were sick was suddenly staring at me and telling me I was a terrible housewife. I hadn't been playing with the kids as much as I would have liked so thought perhaps I wasn't doing such a great job of homeschooling. A situation with a good friend which is currently far from ideal suddenly made me cry just thinking about it. I banged my head on the kitchen cupboard and cried for a good while. Everything made me cry.

I had a small moment of thinking that everything was terrible and life was not, in fact, good at the moment - then I thought a bit more and realised that I was simply tired and sick and that life was still great, but it was ok to have a down day when things weren't going so well. I could see that I would feel better sometime (soon, I hoped) and I would be able to get to the emails, housework and games with the kids once we all had more energy and I felt up to it. I could apologise to Tony for my cranky mood and we could keep working together to make our home a happy and mainly peaceful place. The  situation with my friend is sad, and I can feel that sadness and hope that things change, without it detracting from my general joy in the world and my life. And having a good cry helped me feel so much better, and stopped me spending the day in an anxious state (which is what often happens if I try to tell myself that I shouldn't be feeling upset and I need to just get on with my day).

I rested a lot that day (I was sick of resting, but figured I obviously needed more) and by the end of the day felt better physically and emotionally. In fact by dinner time I felt quite ecstatic emotionally, I was bouncy and happy and friendly and no longer felt like snapping at anyone. Stuff that had annoyed me no end the night before now seemed like just a normal part of our life and something that I could happily help out with (I can't even remember what it was, something that someone needed help with - grumpy me had thought 'wow, can't anyone do anything for themselves, why do I have to do everything?', happy me thought 'Sure, I know how to do that, I'm happy to help.'

2 days later I'm feeling much better physically. We were able to go out and do our usual Wednesday activities yesterday. I have caught up on a lot of the emails, bills, and housework that had been left to wait. I played with the kids yesterday when they wanted me to (on the iPad and building Lego). And I feel so grateful that I'm learning how to be more grateful for my life and the good things in it and I can now feel confident when I'm low, that things are definitely going to pick up, and probably soon.