Lockdown 2.0, Day 99

  I was awake for about 3 hours in the middle of the night last night - not sure why, just awake and tired but not able to get to sleep. So most of today was a bit foggy... I had a good morning, all the kids were up reasonably early and we talked and did things in the garden and around the house, Caitlin did some crochet, Amelie played Among Us and SIMS. I had a phone call from a friend, then a Zoom counselling appointment which was extremely helpful. It was great using my new computer too, the camera is better, and the sound, and the internet connection... Afterwards I did some work on my course and tried to do some proofreading for the 2 magazines I volunteer for - had technical difficulties with both so will try again tomorrow. I played a game on my phone for a while and had a nap.

I went for a walk once I was up, I could see dark clouds coming (it was warm today but cloudy) and wanted to walk before the storm if it came. Half way around the property the rain started - I had worn a rain jacket so only my legs got wet and I don't mind walking in the rain. It was pretty heavy, though there was no storm. I was exhausted when I got home, played on my phone again for a while and then had a bath. Tony played chess with Liam and Amelie, then went to get takeaway pizza and pasta for dinner. I ate my pasta in the bath, it was very cool.

I did a brief amount of tidying up then headed to bed where I'll do a bit of work then probably watch Netflix for a little while before hopefully falling asleep early.

Numbers were in single figures today, things feel a little more hopeful.

Lockdown 2.0, Day 42

 I had a look at the charts of Covid numbers in Australia for the first time in a while - the daily new cases graph has a nice downward looking trend, and the graph of cumulative cases looks like it's starting to flatten out. The number of deaths are still saddening, I really hope that changes soon (I know I keep saying that, and that's because I keep thinking it).

Amelie and I had a lovely time in the morning looking at stuff on the computer - a fox in Berlin who has stolen over 100 shoes (mainly crocs) from people's gardens, recordings of different fox sounds, the squirrel ninja course built by Mark Rober - she hadn't seen it before, and although Liam and I had, several times, we excitedly watched it again with her. Check it out here She's having a hard time at the moment - she has a few friends who she talks to and plays games with online, but she's finding that it's not the same as seeing them in person, they are clashing more and there isn't so much of an opportunity to work things out on the phone. Normally if they have a disagreement they'll change what they are doing and that will clear the air - not so easy at the moment. 

I made waffles and researched oreshki - Aldi have a waffle maker that can also make other things, oreshki included - they sound delicious although a bit fiddly to make, I'll definitely have a go once I buy the waffle maker. Looking at them inspired Amelie and I to turn a tin of condensed milk into caramel. 

Caitlin and I went to the post office - well, I drove and she went in, as only 1 person from each family is allowed to shop each day. She posted off some care packages from herself and from me, then grabbed a few things from the IGA. My car started each time but it was reluctant about it, I really need to get it fully charged, or replaced.

I went for a walk a bit earlier than usual - it had been raining, heavily at times, on and off so I went around 3pm when it was kind of dry. It rained a little on me but not heavily. I had a long walk, through lots of mud, and it felt good. My muscles were all hurting a LOT from my strength training the day before, and I was feeling a bit lethargic, so a walk was great. All day I felt like I was trying to do things and I couldn't quite get to them, other things kept happening that I needed/wanted to do first. I felt like  some weird combination paradox of Zeno's paradoxes, that I'd never reach my target, because I wasn't actually in motion and/or I had to keep catching up and could never overtake the obstacles. After my walk I was going to have a bath - the girls were watching Avatar: The Last Airbender and it was the final couple of episodes. I was really drawn to the final battle scenes and found myself sitting and watching instead of heading to the bath - I'm glad I did, they were pretty amazing and even though I have only seen bits of the series it was exciting to watch it all wrap up. Tony came home then and we chatted a bit and he had his shower then finally I got in the bath and soaked away some of the sore muscles (although there wasn't as much hot water as I'd have liked so it was less relaxing than I'd been imagining. Lying down and reading my book was good though).

After dinner Caitlin and Amelie and I played Monopoly on the Xbox (and ate some of our tin of caramel. Caitlin suggested adding salt to it, so we all had ice cream with salted caramel and it was delicious!)

Lockdown 2.0, Day 39

 I felt really disheartened today. Everything seemed too hard and I was quite teary. I spent too long on Facebook reading posts that annoyed me, the printer wouldn't work, I got frustrated at people not helping out around the house... I couldn't decide how I wanted to spend my time and was just really agitated. Being outside was good for a while, working hard and being in the cool air (it was raining on and off, but not heavily (there was heavy rain later on)). I did some puzzles then had a long chat with Tony. He suggested I have a bath so I took one of my new library books into the bath and ate chocolate and Tony brought me a big mug of hot chocolate. I felt much better when I got out, although quite tired. I lay down for a while then worked on my photos. I went for a long walk in the hour before sunset - the clouds to the east again had a brownish orange tinge to them, it was pretty spectacular. I was listening to a battle scene and the aftermath in my audio book (Book 1 of the Wheel of Time) and the atmosphere of the dark clouds and the storm front felt quite appropriate. I went over the creek - the water was probably as high as I'm willing to cross, and unusually it was trickier coming back over than going across the first time. I had my camera with me which made me a bit more cautious, I'd like to try it at that height without my camera next time. Once home I tidied up for a bit then we all watched State of Origin Ninja which was quite exciting. 

The girls watched Bolt and Grease today in a bit of a John Travolta marathon (is 2 movies a marathon?) and Amelie played Minecraft on the phone with a friend. Caitlin crocheted a little teddy bear and Liam played on his computer and chatted to a friend. Tony took care of a bunch of housework while I rested.

I wonder if my mood was strongly influenced by my Facebook feed or if I would have been out of sorts today anyway. I felt like there was a lot of complaining this morning - complaining and scapegoating, which I think is the bit that got me. I don't deny that Stage 4 is hard on just about everyone. I don't like it and I feel like on the whole we've got it pretty easy. Everyone is missing out or has missed out on things. And regardless of individual circumstances, some people are finding it harder than others. I think we can acknowledge how hard it is though without having to blame someone for it, or spend a lot of time say 'if only so and so had done this at that point.' Maybe things would have been different if things were done differently earlier on. Interestingly though, a lot of the people who are now complaining are also the ones who were pushing to have restrictions eased last time. For me, the easiest way to get through this is to accept that this is what the situation is right now. We are in Stage 4, regardless of how we got here. So from this point if each of us makes choices that are in line with the restrictions, finds way to bring joy to our lives when we can, acknowledge how difficult it is when we can't, reach out to each other for support and provide support to others - I think that's all we can do. It's what I'm aiming to do anyway. 

Lockdown 2.0, Days 34 & 35

 I didn't post yesterday because I had a sore back and by the evening I just wanted to lie down and not think. It felt a lot better today although still twinged occasionally and I was very careful to not do anything to aggravate it.

I had big plans yesterday to get a lot of tidying done. I started the day playing Hanabi with Amelie (we bent the rules a little and nearly won, it was a lot of fun (with lots of laughter) and my back was so sore that at times I couldn't concentrate on the game. I scrapped my plans for the day, took some anti-inflammatories, and spent about 90 minutes in the bath, listening to music and relaxing. I had a lot more movement once I got out, and I felt well enough to cook the sauces for the vegetable eggplant lasagne I had planed for the evening meal. A friend called by to pick up some eggs (our chickens are giving us 4 a day so we are pretty well stocked). We had a brief (masked and distanced) chat in the carport - it was exciting to see someone outside of our immediate family.

In the afternoon I had my Yarra glen homeschool GRoup Zoom meeting so I was able to lie down on my bed and rest some more while I chatted to 2 of the other mums. I'm really loving this fortnightly connection - and glad I dropped it back from weekly, that was feeling a bit overwhelming. At 4pm I drove down to HEalesville to pickup my milk - the dairy is doing a drop off there once a week so we can still buy their delicious milk. HAlfway there I realised I had forgotten my mask - I had a scarf in the car so I used that instead. I will get a pack of disposables to keep in the car for us all in case we need them.

Tony and Caitlin and I went for a slow, short walk, then I put the lasagne together and spent the rest of the evening on the couch. THe kids and I watched Mulan (which i always find exciting because I worked with one of the animators when I was in Tennesee) then I headed straight to bed.

Today I had no plans, but feeling a bit better meant I was able to get some tidying done, and I made lemon butter. I also did a fair bit of writing in the morning. I had a long phone chat with a friend and got ALL the washing folded - now we have room to sit on the small couch again and everyone's clothes supplies are back up. I went for a longer walk this afternoon (our medium length walk). Caitlin walked and Liam rode with me. I got very tired at the halfway point, came home and got straight in the shower, when I got out I felt so weary so spent the rest of the day on the couch, doing my puzzle, talking to Mum, working on my photos. The girls had Guides and CHeer training, and they played a lot of SIMS today. AMelie spent time on the trampoline and Liam did alot of work on his pull ups and chin ups.

I have been avoiding the news still - the only thing I heard was that Auckland is locking down after 4 mystery cases have been detected. Good job NZ For getting straight onto the problem.

Vintage has started

LiAM came in to my room very early and was coughing a lot and not able to catch his breath. I gave him some ventolin and he settled down on the couch and went back to sleep for most of the morning - I think he'd been awake for a while before he came to me. He's been on only one preventer for most of January - if he misses it though it's only a few hours before he is wheezing, and he had taken it the night before this attack - so we've decided to go back to the 2 preventers and hopefully that will settle things down. A month off the puffer though is more than his body has managed before - so each year he seems a little stronger.

Tony didn't get home from work until after 7, he had some breakfast (or is that dinner?) and went to bed. So Vintage has definitely started and I don't feel quite as ready for it as I thought I would be! The girls slept for another couple of hours so I had a bit of time to myself to check emails and then do a bit of housework and then I jumped in a deep hot bath and read my book (Go Set a Watchman by Harper Lee - very very well written, I read it quickly and easily and loved it). It was really lovely to have a very relaxing morning on my own.

Once Millie was up we played some games then she played Minecraft. When she is naming her worlds or skins now she types in the first letter of the name and then asks me to write the rest. She read the title of a couple of books that we were looking at too, she's figured out a few words that I didn't realise she knew.

When LiAM woke up he felt better although still wanted to stay lying down, so he put the tv on and watched for a while as well as playing his monster game on the iPod. He and Millie connected for a while in Minecraft as well. Caitlin helped me with the chickens and I discovered some female flowers in my pumpkin patch so attempted to hand-pollinate them, hopefully it will work this time and we will end up with some pumpkins from the massive plants that are filling my garden.

I made pancakes for lunch - they tasted better and flipped better than last time, although I did forget to put the egg in, which would have made them even better. Caitlin went to Yarra Glen park with a friend, and the other kids and I hung out and watched tv and chatted about spies and superheroes.

Tony was potentially going to have to go in to work again on the Saturday evening, around 2pm he found out that he didn't have to go, which meant we were able to go to our friends' house for dinner as planned. They have recently moved to Hurstbridge and we've been talking about getting together for a meal for ages, so we were all pleased that we didn't have to cancel or postpone. We got there around 5.30 and the kids played in the huge backyard and huge playroom, played with their pet blue-tongue lizard, played dress ups and lego and with the billy-cart and built a very cool lean-to cubby. We had delicious pulled-pork rolls for tea, and lots of fantastic conversation with our friends. We didn't leave until after 11, and it was absolutely pouring rain when I decided it was time to leave. We waited a bit until it was a little lighter, and I drove home through rain all the way - I was worried about driving through Christmas Hills in a storm, if it got windy there could be trees and branches blowing everywhere - but it was fine, just rain and we made it home easily and fed the animals and bundled everyone quickly into bed.

Fun Run

Yesterday we took part in a Fun Run/Walkathon to raise money for Hicci, a local inter-church community group, which took place at Maroondah Dam near Healesville.

Caitlin had seen flyers about it several weeks ago, and was very keen to take part in the run. I knew that I wasn't up to running 6km (or even a part of that), and she was happy to do it on her own. I had some concerns about what might happen if she hurt herself or something went wrong, and she talked through them all with me and we came up with solutions that we were both happy with. She wrote my mobile number on her arm so that someone could call me if necessary. I decided to do the walkathon with Millie and LiAM, so she figured that if she had enough, she could sit and wait until I got to her. We also didn't know if the organisers would let her run without an adult - when we arrived at the start we realised that several other kids were running alone, and that there would be officials along the way and a crowd of people running so it felt quite safe. LiAM had decided in the morning that he would run with Caitlin as well.

The kids set off in the group of runners, quite happily. Millie and I registered for the walk, and wandered around playing near the river until it was time for the walkers to leave. Millie walked with me all the way up the ramp to the top of the dam wall. It's quite a climb, and once at the top she asked to go in the sling. I popped her up and we walked the rest of the way to Donnelly's Weir, chatting all the way. It was great having that time with her, walking at my pace and observing and discussing all the things we saw - the dam and how reservoirs work, the trees and plants, the path we were walking on, the purpose of the fun run, lots of 'what if' conversations which Millie is great at. My shoes are not the greatest for walking in (they used to be, before they got old and started falling apart - time for new runners I think) and I had Millie sitting a bit too low on my back because she wanted me to put our water bottles in my pockets so the strap was below the pockets - and up and down those hills started to hurt before too long. It was a beautiful walk though and I did enjoy it despite the discomfort (and it was easier to walk with Millie on my back than to walk at her pace, given that I wanted to get to the end to see if the other kids were ok).

Millie walked to the top of this wall before she jumped up into the sling

Eventually I ran into Caitlin coming back the other way (it was a 3km run/walk to Donnelly's Weir, then back the same way). She seemed happy and still full of energy, and told me that LiAM had gotten bad blisters and couldn't walk anymore so had gotten a lift back in the Hicci car. I wanted to turn around straight away and head back, but it was very important to Caitlin to keep going by herself and she said I was nearly at the turn around point so I should keep going. I did keep going and argued with myself the whole way about whether it would be better to turn back. I was really worried that he would be upset and by himself, and I was close to an hour away even if I turned back straight away. In the end I decided it was better to get to the check point and talk to the officials there about how LiAM was. Once we reached the check point, Millie said she wanted to go home. There was a couple in their 80s who had decided not to walk back so the car was coming for them, and I decided Millie and I would also go back in the car. It took a while to arrive and I was getting a bit anxious - the lady at the check point though said that LiAM had been fine when he left.

We got back to the starting point and LiAM was happily sitting at the finish line with Caitlin, who had completed the run (she had run, walked and rested as needed throughout the 6km). He had received first aid (a bandaid on his large blister) and now could walk fine and wasn't upset at all - a big relief. He'd had his free sausage from the sausage sizzle, and went straight up to get 2 for me and Millie. He showed us where to get our show bags from, and was in a great mood. Caitlin was thrilled to have finished the course as well, it was a big achievement. We bought some drinks and a large cookie from the food van after we'd had our sausages, then headed into town.

I'm so glad that I was able to let the kids be independent in the race and push their own limits and that I was able to trust that they knew their own comfort levels. Even when things went wrong for LiAM he was able to speak up and work out a solution, and it didn't ruin his day or his fun. None of that could have happened if I had insisted that they walk with me, which is what the fearful part of me wanted to do. Caitlin is already planning how she can prepare for next year - and it was interesting to see that she approaches these things in a similar way to me - she was happy to go in with no preparation, and see what it was like, see where her weaknesses were, and then improve on those for next time.

We stopped to get a birthday present for LiAM's friend whose party is on Sunday, then went home and collapsed a bit, everyone was quite tired and starting to feel sore. I had a lovely long bath while the kids watched some movies and TV (Tinkerbell and the Pirate Fairy, and then ABC3). I finally finished reading 'The Book Thief' (which I really struggled through, I found the language hard to navigate, and it took me a long time to really care about the story) and then started 'Divergent' which I didn't want to stop reading, I am really loving it. When I got out of the bath, Caitlin trimmed my hair for me - lots of dead, dry ends after taking my dreadlocks out, and now it feels much healthier. The kids played on the computer and iPads through the afternoon, and then outside on the trampoline for a while.

Caitlin cooked dinner - spaghetti bolognese, and we watched Heartland and then Sword Art Online, both shows that we have been waiting all week to see, while Millie watched another Tinkerbell movie (loving having 2 TVs!!!). I read Eldest to the kids for a while, then finally headed to bed (where I read Divergent for a while longer....)

A weekend at home

LiAM and Millie were up reasonable early on Saturday and joined me at the computer. Tony was going to go and buy some chainsaw accessories so he could cut wood for our fire, and he took the 2 kids with him to have breakfast at McDonalds and then get his supplies. Caitlin, S & V were still asleep until the phone rang shortly before 9 - perfect timing, as we were leaving at 9.20 to take V to a hair cut appointment. The kids got up and quickly dressed and ate, and we were in Yarra Glen on time to meet R. The girls decided to walk back to S's house to watch some more Dance Academy, and I went to the post office then bought myself a Chai Latte and headed up to open the Toy Library for the morning.

As I was putting the sign out Tony and the other kids arrived. Millie and Tony played a great game with one of the sets of animals, and LiAM watched YouTube videos, while I did a bit more stocktake and chatted to the guy who came to return toys. Once our duty was over Tony took the other kids home and Caitlin arrived back from S's. We made a quick stop at the op shop - and found some kitchenware for our camper trailer, the full set of the Fifty Shades books, and a whoopee cushion (it gets me every time, we have definitely gotten our dollar's worth of value from it already!)

Tony played with Millie for a while, then went to cut wood. I had bought 'TinkerBell and the Lost Treasure' on DVD from the Op Shop, so we watched that (twice). Millie had a bath in the middle of the 2 movies, playing with a water toy (a boat and a water wheel and pump and some other blocks that fit neatly in the boat) that we'd borrowed from the toy library.

Caitlin played her fashion game on the iPad and the others played Minecraft and Terraria, and in the evening we watched Heartland - a new series about a horse ranch, this was the first time we'd watched it and Caitlin really loves it. Millie played with Lego for a while, and also a game where she was an ocelot and I was a human who adopted her. Millie and I went to bed before the others and read a big pile of books together.

Yesterday we had LiAM's friend A come over as his family was taking his sister to the airport and he wasn't keen on the long drive. The kids played Minecraft and Terraria and jumped on the trampoline and played on the swings all day, quietly and with no arguments. The girls joined in when they felt like it and did their own thing at other times. All the kids popped over next door to see our neighbour, they helped Tony unpack the wood from the trailer, then he took them for a ride in the trailer and in the Kabota, down around the dam. At one point when the kids were all occupied Tony and I had time to play a game of Letters and Numbers and just hang out together chatting for a while afterwards. Hasn't happened much in the last couple of months, it was great for him to have the whole weekend off work (and baseball starts next week so he will be away on Saturdays again from now on). In the afternoon Caitlin and I sorted my tea collection - I had 2 shelves of boxes and packets of tea, shoved in there when we moved in and not really touched since, except for the popular ones which were all over the place. So Caitlin labelled everything for me with her label maker, and I sorted and rearranged and put things in boxes that can slide in and out of the shelf - so I can access the stuff at the back and I actually know what is in there now. It was really fun working with Caitlin and made the job much easier - and it's exciting to feel not overwhelmed by my flavoured tea collection and actually feel like drinking some of it now - I think every time I thought about it before it felt too hard to find anything and so I didn't try.

LiAM and I took A home in the evening and the boys had a bit more of a play there while I had a cuppa with L, then home for a roast dinner, another episode of Heartland, then the movie Space Jam and some Star Wars Clone Wars.

A quiet Friday

I have been unwell lately and this has helped me cut back even further on my level of busyness (I never know how to spell that word - feels like it should be business, but that has a different meaning...). I'm paying more attention to how each of us are feeling and making more decisions on the day (or in the moment) than in advance, and it feels good. Scary sometimes, like I SHOULD be able to do more or plan ahead more - but that's just anxiety talking and most of the time I can sit back and realise that I'm feeling anxious, let it pass over me, then get on with doing what really does feel right.

Yesterday I was up early enough to have a bit of time on the computer alone, then Millie joined me. She played on one of her colouring in and printing out websites while I read a library book about the making of The Hobbit movies - I am constantly amazed at the level of thought, creativity and expertise that went into those movies. I still haven't seen the first one all the way through (that's on my list for trying to get done this week) and haven't seen the 3rd one, but reading these books has me all excited about watching all of them again. We played on the iPad for a while, Township and Village Life, then the other kids got up and played with us for a while too. Millie and LiAM then played Minecraft on the computer while Caitlin continued to set up her new iPad Mini (she lost hers late last year, and we purchased a replacement for her this week - very exciting for her to have her own device again!). She then put on Nim's Island and the kids watched it several times. I was in the middle of doing dishes when I felt like having a bath. Initially I thought 'no, I need to finish these dishes first', and then was feeling frustrated at the sink and no longer enjoying doing them. So I realised that having a bath was important, if that was what I felt like doing. The kids were happy with Minecraft and movies, I made sure they all had something to eat, then I went and jumped in a deep, warm bath with my book and had a wonderful relaxing soak. The kids came in and out when they had questions or just to reconnect, and I am so glad I listened to myself instead of sticking with what my anxiety felt like I should do. Afterwards I had a long chat on the phone with a local friend, and then a long chat with a friend who lives further away, a wonderful friend who I haven't spoken to in a while, so that was a lovely surprise and a very nurturing way to spend my early afternoon.

By this stage Tony was awake (he's on night shift at the moment) and he and I folded up some stuff we'd had hung up in the yard to dry. He and Caitlin went for a bike ride and visited our neighbour, who earlier in the week had cooked dinner for us when she heard that I wasn't well. Millie and I played a game which involved pirates and dragons and mothers and daughters which was fun. When Caitlin came back she and I continued watching the BBC series of Pride and Prejudice - I'm so excited to be introducing her to my favourite story ever, and she's enjoying it so far. Tony watched for a while with us too, I don't think he's seen it before so he also enjoyed starting to understand the story.

Suddenly I realised it was time to get ready so we all rushed around a bit then headed off - Tony to work and the rest of us to take Caitlin to acting. We got there only a tiny bit late, listening to our current audio CD on the way (Itch, by Simon Mayo. Very suspenseful and funny). We dropped her off then went down to the shops near Croydon library to get a milkshake - which we couldn't find, so we bought some snacks at the Reject Shop and some chocolate milk and yoghurt from Woolworths, and sat near the pond in front of the library to eat and drink. When we were done we went into the library and watched YouTube videos, played on the computer, read books (I read to Millie, and read my own book), borrowed books and DVDs, and had a very relaxing evening. Once the library closed at 8, we popped over to the pizza shop to get pizza for tea, then went back and picked Caitlin up. She's normally starving after acting, even with having a sandwich during her break, so she was thrilled to have pizza waiting for her in the car. We got home about 9.10, and I put all the animals to bed/fed them, cleared the kitchen table, gave LiAM his medicine, got toothbrushes for everyone, then went to lie down and read my book. The kids were playing one of the My Angela mini games on their iPads - a Tetris type game which is quite challenging and I helped them out a couple of times, but between the 3 of them they managed most levels. Eventually they all came into my room, and I read a couple of (very exciting, battle focussed) chapters of Eragon, until I was dozing while I read. Millie was asleep by then and the other 2 went to their beds where Caitlin read Garfield comics to LiAM and they talked and laughed until they went to sleep.