Lockdown 2.0, Days 56, 57 and 58

 I've spent the last few days oscillating between feeling anxious and feeling really flat. A bit disappointing after feeling so good on Tuesday afternoon, but it is what it is and I have let myself feel whatever I needed to at the time. I haven't felt like writing so I allowed myself some time off, I've focussed on doing things that I love and that feel right, and I knew I'd be back eventually. 2 long phone calls with friends today (one who I hadn't talked to for a couple of years) and a text conversation entirely in haiku with another friend really helped - I laughed a lot (especially at the haikus) and relaxed and am feeling more positive now.

Wednesday morning (seems so long ago!) was pretty good, I got a fair bit down around the house and on the computer, and had a long chat to Mum. Caitlin and I went to the post office and called in at the Chocolate Factory to get some more presents for people. I did some research on what was new car options. In the late afternoon Tony took me to Healesville to pick up my car - I chatted to the mechanics about the type of car I might buy and got some useful information. The know the receptionist at the mechanics and we had a long chat before I headed home. On the way I saw a baby masked Lapwing trying to cross the road and I was worried it might get hit so I stopped - there were 2 parents and 4 babies, and the parents were desperately trying to keep the babies from going on the road. When they were on the road they were too little to easily jump back up the gutter to the safety of the grass, so it was pandemonium. One of the babies got knocked over by the slipstream of a car going past, but after a tumble he got up and ran back to his parents and seemed fine. I'd tried to help herd them off the road, then one of the parents decided I was a threat and came at me, so I left them to it (everyone was back on the grass by then and heading away from the road so I think they were safe). The babies were so cute and their fluffy round bodies were backlit by the sun - I'm so happy that I saw it. 

I went for a late, brisk walk when I got home and saw the full moon rising over the mountains - very cool! I did more car research after dinner and suddenly felt completely overwhelmed and anxious, so I went to bed. I was awake for hours in the night (Winky woke me up to tell me she'd caught a mouse, and I couldn't quieten my mind enough to get back to sleep). After a while I got up and did some tidying in the kitchen, and some writing, and some photography work, then played games on my phone for a bit and eventually settled back into bed and to sleep. I woke later than usual and my anxiety was there but muted, and I kind of fell into a day of feeling bleugh. I was just over the whole lockdown thing, I am missing my friends, I don't think I can handle another week and a half of stage 4 but I have to really, there's no other option, and I don't think Stage 3 will be much different for us anyway... It just all felt too hard and I know the kids are finding it hard too so I was also feeling overwhelmed by their worries about it. I had a good chat with a friend which helped calm me a little. I did some more work on cleaning out the wardrobe in my room, and actually felt like I made some progress. In the afternoon the kids and I played Dixit which was fun - everyone is really emotional so there was lots of laughing and a bit of tears as well. I talked to Mum - Dad had chemo in the morning so it was good to get an update (he's feeling ok, tired, a bit grumpy. I'm not sure how I'm feeling about it all but I do like talking to them regularly). I did some of my course and some photo work and headed to bed fairly early.

I slept fitfully so woke up still pretty tired today, although it was nice not to be up for hours. I still felt flat but the anxiety had mainly gone. I caught up on some dishes, chatted to Amelie and Liam, then chatted to a friend on the phone while I weeded the garden. I worked a bit more in the bedroom, then had a wonderful 2 hour chat to an old friend. Caitlin and Liam went for a bike ride and started to help Amelie learn to ride Liam's old bike. Throughout the day I was sending and receiving haikus to a friend and they really made me laugh and helped to ground me. I felt much much better this afternoon and went for a mid-length walk and listened to my audio book. Luna ran off as we rounded the dam, and bailed up the big (BIG!!) male kangaroo over near the creek. I went over to try to distract her but I was pretty scared of him and he looked like he could head for me at any moment. They were at a standoff for a while then he charged her - he had his front claws out and if he'd caught her it would have been nasty. She avoided him then chased him into the dam - I'd already rung Tony and he and Caitlin drove down in the vineyard ute to get her - usually she can be distracted by the car. She reluctantly got in and was a bit sheepish when everyone was angry at her - but once back in the yard she was staring intently at the roos in the vines like she was ready to go again... I cooked dinner and then had a bath and a glass of wine, Tony watched the Collingwood game. I'm feeling pretty relaxed now although I have a headache so looking forward to sleep and a new day tomorrow.

Dentist, library and Healesville Sanctuary

Amelie had a dentist appointment yesterday so the kids and I went down to Healesville to have her front teeth checked - she had banged them hard on her knee when we were in Esperance a few weeks ago, then hit them again on LiAM's head a week or so later, and they have been bleeding and looking a funny colour since then.

The dentist said they were about to fall out (they are both baby teeth) and there's nothing to worry about, so that's a relief. He wants to get her back in for a filling - I'll wait and see when she's ready for that then book her back in.

Seeing as we were in town I was happy to hang around and explore somewhere. The kids wanted milkshakes from the fish and chip shop near Coles, where we often used to buy milkshakes before our trip. We started walking over, then talked about going to the library - LiAM realised that he'd want the iPad and his iPod if we went to the library so the kids kept walking to the shop and I went back to get the car. I couldn't find them when I arrived, then Caitlin texted to say they were in the library - the guy at the fish and chip shop had said they couldn't do milkshakes - unsure if that was just for today or permanently.

We hung out at the library for a while, reading books, finding books and DVDs to borrow, and playing on the playstation (Lego Indiana Jones) then Caitlin went over to the ice-cream shop to get milkshakes from there. They were delicious - more expensive and much tastier than the ones we normally get.

Everyone was keen to go to the Sanctuary, and I was pleased I'd thought to suggest it. We can go as often as we want on our membership, and it's so close to home, I hope we continue to pop in whenever we are in Healesville. We saw a lot in the couple of hours we were there. There've been some changes - there are cassowaries, a cool new koala exhibit and we hadn't been in the new lyrebird exhibit either. We watched the bird show, excellent as always, and we were all very very excited to see the wedge-tailed eagle when she came out. We went to feed the parrots - Caitlin was able to hold a red-tailed black cockatoo, it wouldn't go onto the arms of the other kids, and none of the parrots were interested in the food we offered them (provided by the keepers) - it was still great to see them and Caitlin was thrilled about the cockatoo. We saw the pelicans, bats, wallabies, more birds and the goannas, then raced back for the dingo talk, which seemed even more relevant after meeting dingoes on our trip. We learnt that the biodiversity on the dingo side of the dingo fence is in better shape than the non-dingo side. Makes sense really, if you take out the top predator, things change a lot. Also the dingoes keep the cat and fox populations under control. We saw echidnas and discovered they have rear facing claws on their rear feet. We saw a keeper syringe feeding a very old koala and talked to her about how they were helping this koala (she was 18), and LiAM asked about the echidna claws - it's so they can scratch themselves without getting caught in their own spikes.

It was a very enjoyable afternoon and I'm looking forward to going a lot more often and remembering to really explore our own region like we did at all the places we stayed on our trip.

Abseiling

LiAM was the first of the kids up yesterday, after having a great night's sleep, and he curled up next to me on the couch while I browsed the internet, and commented on what I was doing, read bits and pieces of the sites I was looking at, then after Amelie joined us we did some Minecraft quizzes on Jetpunk, and between the 2 of them they knew most of the answers.

I woke Caitlin at 8.30 and she got up to get ready to go abseiling with Girl Guides. I got breakfast for everyone and the other 2 played Minecraft. Tony got out of bed just before we left - he didn't have to go to work so was very grateful for a sleep in, and I was grateful that he could be home with L and A while I took Caitlin to her activity.

The abseiling was at Clifford Park Activity Scout Activity Centre, somewhere I didn't even know existed until this week. The setting was beautiful, in the foothills on the side of the Yarra River, lots of bush and some cleared areas and so many activities for campers or visitors to do. I started thinking about potential for homeschool camps and so on - will look into that at some stage. Caitlin was joining Mooroolbark Guides for the abseiling, so it was a group of girls and leaders she hadn't met before (they were there on camp, and opened this activity up and invited girls from all the other units in the area - Caitlin was the only one who joined them).

As soon as we got there 2 of the girls ran over and introduced themselves and took Caitlin off to play with them, while I chatted with the leaders. We made our way over to the abseiling tower and I read my book in the shade while they did the safety talk and showed them how to do it. When it was getting close to Caitlin's turn she wanted me to be closer, so I spent most of the rest of the morning near the tower watching her and the other girls, chatting to the leaders, and taking photos on various cameras (mine, the girls' cameras, and one of the leader's cameras when she went up the tower). Caitlin was quite scared when it was her turn, but she took it slowly and followed the instructions perfectly and went down fairly easily. She had 5 descents over the morning, and she got quicker and more competent each time, although she says it was still really hard and a bit scary each time. I was so impressed with the girls as a group, they were supportive and understanding of those who decided not to try it once they got to the top, and even those who tried and tried and after a long time of attempting to start decided not to go down. I was also impressed that all of the girls who didn't go down at first, went back up several times to try again, and each time got a little closer to abseiling down.

It was a fun morning and Caitlin and I were both pretty tired at the end of it (she was probably tireder, she'd done a lot of hard physical work, I had just stood in the sun for a few hours). We came home and the others had watched Ice Age 3 and were now playing Minecraft again. LiAM was helping Amelie write her signs and set up a zoo. We had some lunch then watched the rest of Heartland Series 5. I had a bit of a rest through the first episode, then started making some pumpkin soup, LiAM helped me chop all the vegetables. Tony had a big long nap on the couch which he found very helpful.

LiAM and Amelie spent ages looking through the pictures in the African Safari book I borrowed from the library, discussing the animals and what they were doing - there are some incredible pictures in the book. Caitlin played on her iPad, and messaged with friends, then once it got cooler outside we all went out and kids lay then played on the trampoline. We came back in one by one and watched the end of Night at the Museum 2, then an episode of Heartland Series 3, by which time Tony was in bed, and I wrapped things up pretty quickly and went to be myself.

Detectives and vets

Yesterday Tony played golf in the afternoon and the kids and I stayed home for the day. We did more quizzes - geography, music, movies, word plays and definitions, and Caitlin wrote and submitted 2 quizzes herself - one on horses and one a speed test of typing the alphabet. She then found some onlinechoose-your-own-adventure stories and we spent a while taking it in turns to read and choose our way through the stories. LiAM and Millie played for ages with a magnetic story kit - a background of a vet's surgery and a barn, and lots of magnetic animals and veterinarian equipment which stick on to the background. We also played lots of 80s arcade games (online) through the day - packman, frogger, space invaders, tetris (yay!), snake, and hexagon, which I'd never played before but reminded me of Lord of the Shades. We tried to find somewhere we could download Lord of the Shades or play it online, but could only find PC versions, nothing for Mac. We tried to get our old Toshiba up and running again but didn't have any luck there either. So it was back to packman which is always fun...

Tony had made pancakes for breakfast which the kids snacked on through the day - they discovered their new favourite way of eating them is with butter, cinnamon and brown sugar. (LiAM has been eating waffles at a friend's house, with that topping, and given that we don't have a waffle maker he was happy to try it out on the pancakes and was pleased it worked).

Caitlin played with her detective kit, taking everyone's finger prints, then setting up a mystery to solve and collecting evidence - which ended up with me handcuffed as apparently I stole the precious jewels. Millie played on the trampoline and pretended to be a seal - Caitlin the detective did some DNA testing on her to see if she was related to any famous seals.

The kids sorted some of their old animal cards which they collected from Woolworths last year. I started sorting through the pantry in an effort to get rid of the pantry moths that are living there. I was going to pull absolutely everything out and not put it back til everything was clean, but that seemed too big a job so I'm working on one shelf at a time, much more manageable.

In the evening we watched Dolphin Tale - I love it because it really shows how easy it is to learn when you are inspired about something. Afterwards we watched an old episode of Heartland, and the kids played some more computer games before everyone went to bed.

More birthdays and lots of activity

Sometimes when there's a lot going on, I find it a lot harder to write than when we are plodding along not doing anything out of the ordinary. The last couple of weeks have been a mix of big events and quieter days. Here's a bit of summary (in no particular order)

- LiAM turned 9. He had a lovely quiet day at home, playing with lego and playing Halo on the PS3, and playing with his Minecraft and Terraria figurines. He had a friend come over for a little while in the afternoon. For dinner we had a family meat pie and a family apple pie - his favourite tea, and some chocolate cake.
- We had a birthday party for LiAM. The kids played on the trampoline and with the lego and on their iPads and with soft toys (that was mainly Millie and her friends) and the adults chatted and relaxed - a very easy party to organise and to host.
- On a cold morning Millie and I saw hot air balloons taking off in the paddock next to our house. We walked down to watch them go from close up, and chatted to the ground crew. On the way back to the house we looked at the way the frost had formed on different types of leaves and blades of grass and the vines.
- We had an extremely cold morning, still below 0 at 10am (the morning of LiAM's party). There was ice everywhere outside which was lots of fun to explore.
- We have had 3 new chicks hatch. One of them died on the first day, the other two have survived that very cold night and morning and are being well looked after by their mother. One is black and one yellow and as always we can't believe how tiny and incredibly cute they are.
- The kids and I went to Bounce, finally, after talking about it since at least early last year. All four of us had a very fun time (I didn't jump, I wandered around watching and talking to the kids, and giving encouragement when they were trying something new and/or difficult (like Caitlin learning to jump up on to the wall in the performance trampoline area. She hasn't quite made it yet, but she made a lot of progress in this first session of trying)
- Caitlin had 2 performances with Victorian Youth Theatre. We all (And her friend S, and Grandma and Grandad) went and watched the first one, and F and I went to the 2nd one. As with last year, the productions were professional and very impressive, and Caitlin was great in her roles.
- We've been going to karate
- We've watched lots of movies
- We've started learning Auslan (Australian Sign Language)
- Caitlin and I have both (separately) learnt how to crochet a beanie, so we've been making those. I've also been crocheting head bands and I'm working on a scarf, Caitlin has been making beautiful flowers (she made one for each kid in her acting classes and took them in on the night of the last class)
- We've been to friend's houses and had friends visit here
- We've played with lego
- We've played big imaginary games with Millie's toys or LiAM's animals or the Skylanders or combinations of them all
- We've been to homeschool group
- We've been to the playground
- We've hung out at the library
- I've played the piano a lot
- I went to a rally, #bringbackasha, protesting against having babies sent back to offshore detention centres

It's the end of school term today so most of our regular activities will stop for a couple of weeks. As always at the end of term I am looking forward to some time with less scheduling and more going with the moment.

A weekend at home

We've had a few quiet days at home over the weekend and Friday, and it's been lovely. Interesting though how different those days can feel, even though they might look the same on the surface (just hanging out at home playing and reading and talking).

Friday felt like the perfect home day to me. There was nowhere else I'd rather be and nothing that I'd rather be doing than whatever I was doing at any given time. Really being able to go with what the kids and I want to do makes a massive difference to how I feel about my day - when I get caught up in (my) anxiety about whether we 'should' be doing something or not, it impacts greatly on how happy and content I feel about the day (Saturday was more like that).

On Friday I was up early and went for a walk, watered my plants etc. Tony has been starting work at 7, so it's easy for me to get up at 6 when his alarm goes off, rather than waking myself and lying there for a while wondering if I should try to get more sleep or get up and get going. I had a bit of time to myself in the morning, then the kids got up and we were all in a good mood. We played lego - the kids built and played games with their creations, I played a bit and spent a lot of time sorting the lego table (everything had become all mixed up, and we'd been storing other things on the table as well - that's all cleared now). We watched movies - Barbie as the Island Princess, and Mumma Mia (I hadn't seen it before and realised I knew NOTHING about it other than the fact that it contained ABBA songs. I quite enjoyed it, although I think it would be much better as a stage show than a movie). We played Minecraft and Terraria - individually and together throughout the day. We played other iPad games, again sometimes as a group, sometimes alone. We read books - I'm reading Eragon to LiAM, and the girls listen when they feel like it. I read other library books as well. I tidied things up in between playing with the kids, we had lots of great conversations, everything went smoothly. In the evening we were planning to go and see the Penguins of Madagascar at Bayswater Outdoor Cinema, but there was a thunderstorm so the event was cancelled. We were all disappointed, although I was happy to stay home. I suggested we invite our friends over who we were planning to meet there - they also mainly felt like staying home, except for Caitlin's friend S, who came for a sleepover. The girls chatted and played on the swings and played Terraria and watched Mumma Mia again, LiAM joined them for a while. They went to bed after I did, but I don't think they stayed up as late as they sometimes do.

A lot of rain came with the thunderstorm on Friday night (yay, rain! We have had very little this summer) and it was still raining on Saturday morning. Caitlin had wanted to take her friend to meet our neighbour, E - she lives next door by herself and loves having the kids come to visit. They can easily walk or ride there through the front of our property. The rain made this trip more difficult, and S was going home early as she had things on that day, so Caitlin started the day feeling a bit disappointed. I was feeling anxious as well, not about anything in particular, just a general all round anxiety, so even though we did many of the same things we'd done the day before, it didn't run as smoothly. I think I was trying too hard to make things better for Caitlin because she was disappointed, but also wanted to have an easy day, and it got a bit tense. It was still a pretty good day though. We played and sorted more lego, played Minecraft, played cards (Go Fish, and Up and Down the River), Millie watched more Barbie movies on the computer. LiAM played Pacman 2 on the Playstation.  The kids went next door to see E after it stopped raining, and they decided to write letters to her grandkids who live in America. They came home and wrote the letters and Caitlin rode back over to drop them off, and fell off her bike on the way back. She has a sore wrist and ankle and hip but no bad injuries. Tony came home late in the evening from work and watched the cricket, while Caitlin and LiAM and I took one of our broody chickens (and her eggs and nesting box) to a friend's house, as they would like more chickens and we have quite a few at the moment!

Yesterday was calmer again. I was able to say yes more easily to things the kids asked me to do (playing games, food they'd like me to prepare for them etc) - when I'm anxious I find it harder to say yes, even if I'm happy to do it. I am just more distracted and can't concentrate as easily - so I'm hoping to work on that, staying focussed on our home life when I'm anxious, instead of resenting the fact that I can't hide away in a corner somewhere which is what I feel like doing. I also find it helps to do lots of nurturing things like reading a book, playing on the iPad, sorting my photos - really doing what I WANT to be doing instead of running around doing housework when I'm anxious - and from there it's also much easier to say YES when the kids want me to do something with them. So yesterday, Tony was at work again (these 7 day work weeks are tough!), and we stayed home and watching movies (Island Princess again), played horses, read Batman comics, read Eragon, played on the iPad - lots of Township yesterday, me playing with the kids watching, read other library books, a bit of lego, the kids visited E again. Oh and we buried one of our little chicks who died yesterday - that was sad for all of us, one of the aspects of having animals that is less enjoyable, but also a useful way to increase understanding about life and death and impermanence and so on.

It was a hot day and we planned to go to the dam for a swim, but with no shade down there I prefer to leave it until the sun is low in the sky. We wanted to pull our camper trailer out to see if any rain had gotten through the cover (it's been damp after rain before) so Caitlin and I had a go at it while Tony was at work. It was hard going with just the 2 of us, and it was SO hot in the tent and I got a bit flustered a couple of times (and even a bit panicky when it kind of collapsed on me while I was in there) but we got it up properly - great to know we can do it without Tony, so I know I can take the kids away by myself if we want to go away during Vintage. After that we had a good rest, watched Phineas and Ferb for a while, then went to the dam for a lovely swim as the sun was setting. The water was a beautiful temperature (mainly) and Tony came home from work and joined us for a while. Back home once it was dark, for showers and getting ready for bed. The kids downloaded a new game onto the computer and played it for a while. I found a frog on the driveway when I took the bin out so we all went back out and looked at it for a while, and it surprised us by jumping quite a distance every time we stopped shining the torch on it. Then to bed, where I read more Batman comics (I'm enjoying them too, especially the chapters with Green Arrow - he's funny, and I love his relationship with Batman) and more of Eragon. I went back outside after that to find the cat who'd been out all day, I eventually enticed her in (well actually I pounced on her and carried her in by the scruff of her neck) and finally got to bed just before midnight.

Fire drill and a party

Everyone except me had a lovely long sleep in yesterday, so I had a couple of hours alone to go for my walk (and I saw lots of kangaroos), catch up on emails and Facebook and do some other things on the computer that I haven't had much of a chance to get to lately.

Millie wanted to watch 'Daisy, a Hen in the Wild' (which we've seen before - at first I thought it was a poorly made animation, but as we've watched it each time I've come to appreciate it more - the animation is very simple anime, but the story is complex and engaging) so I put that on and LiAM and Caitlin soon came out and watched it as well. At one point in the movie a duck asked another duck how he learned to fly like that (he'd just won a flying competition), and the 2nd duck said 'I just figured it out myself'. The 1st duck said 'Imagine if you'd had lessons!' and LiAM said 'well he wouldn't have been as good then, because he would have learnt how someone else did it, not figured out his own best way'. Which is exactly what I was thinking myself!

After the Daisy movie we put on the Moshi Monsters movie - we've had it from Quickflix for ages and the kids wanted to watch it one more time before sending it back and we kept forgetting. So it's watched now (and enjoyed again) so we can send it back and get something else.

Tony and I finished putting the camper trailer away and then went and checked on the chickens and the new chicks. The mother of the first chick was attacking the 2 brand new chicks - so we decided to separate the mothers (with their own chicks) by putting a chicken wire wall across part of the pen and moving Darkness (the one who was attacking) into the new section. Installing the wire wasn't too difficult, then I grabbed Darkness - who can be rather aggressive - and Caitlin and Tony tried to grab the chick. It kept running out of reach, and Darkness was going crazy in my arms, then one of the other broody hens bit Caitlin... We ended up bending the new wire wall and kind of pushing the chick through underneath it... It promptly went back under, away from it's mother again - so we left them to it, to figure it all out themselves. Once they'd calmed down everyone was where they were supposed to be and the new little chicks are safer. It amazes me how experience and practice can make a difference - there is no way I could have calmly (or at all) picked up an angry mother chicken a couple of years ago, and held it while it flapped and squawked and tried to bite me. It's encourage when I realise that I have learnt how to do something or that I have lost my fear about a situation - it helps a lot when I'm feeling frustrated about something I don't yet know how to do or have the courage to do, to remember that it's possible to learn and change and if I trust the process I can get to where I want to be.

In the afternoon we were going to an 18th birthday party for a good family friend. We were about to leave and we could smell smoke - I assumed it was the bushfire up at Toolangi, then Tony heard and saw the helicopter and went to investigate - the fire was across the road and over the next hill, and the wind was blowing from the fire to us. The helicopter was picking up water from the river and dumping it on the fire, which was exciting to watch but not something we wanted to linger over. I was surprised at how calm I was (although it is often the case, that my anxiety can be quite high when thinking about situations, and then completely gone when I'm in the middle of that situation) and just went back inside and got together our usual evacuation bag - making sure everyone had shoes, something to change into other than our party clothes, the computer, i devices, chargers, our folder of birth certificates etc, my camera, LiAM's medicine, a sling for Millie, and I asked the kids to grab anything that they would want to have with them, say, if the road got closed and we couldn't get back for a few days, and/or their very favourite toys (I know the older 2 were thinking 'what should I take in case the house burns down' but it did feel easier not to say that). They gathered things together quite quickly and reasonably calmly. LiAM was a little panicky which didn't surprise me, but he was still able to get his stuff together and think about what he wanted. By the time we left (about 15 or 20 minutes later) I checked my Fire Guard app and the fire was under control, so the danger was past - but it was a good opportunity for us to practice getting ready and out quite quickly, and helped me clarify again what items I need to have available ready to go at a moment's notice, and what things the kids really wanted to bring with them. I'm surprised by how little I really wanted to take - I thought about my box of diaries and photos and things and didn't feel the need to take it - although if the fire danger had been higher and I'd felt a lot more at risk then perhaps I would have.

So we made it to the party after the extra drama and had a wonderful afternoon/evening. I was able to meet a lot of the extended family of our friends, who I had heard a lot about but never met. There were other friends there who we knew and it was great to catch up with, and new friends to met and get to know. There were lots of kids and all of them got on well, lots of different combinations of children together throughout the party and lots of indoor, outdoor and iPad games played. We were the last to leave and everyone came away tired and having had a really enjoyable time.

Morning walks

Since we've been back from our trip I've been getting back into my rhythm of going for a walk in the morning before Tony goes back to work. It clears my head and helps put things in perspective, and increases my energy for the whole day. Sometimes it feels like too much of a bother, when I'm cosy inside with a warm cup of tea - when I get out there though I never regret it. I usually walk down to the dam and do a lap of the dam and then back home - takes about 15 minutes.

Yesterday Buckley and I met a fox on our way down the hill. Buckley chased him happily through the vines, the 2 of them zig-zagged through the rows until I couldn't see them any more. It actually looked more like they were playing than seriously chasing/running away, although I can't be sure. From the dam wall I could see 2 beautiful rainbows to the south - beautiful. As I walked around the dam there were dark dark clouds over the mountains - the rain hit when I was about 3/4 of the way around and it was icy and coming in sideways! I got wet pretty quickly and the wind was making me colder so I came down the outside of the dam wall to get some shelter, and met 2 kangaroos who'd been in the top block of vines (I've never seen any in there before). One panicked and went back up into the vines, one hopped around behind me and went around the dam. The wind helped me get back up the hill pretty quickly and into the warm cosy house, feeling quite exhilerated.

One morning last week when I went out the air was cold and crisp and clear and the sun was rising through a mass of red clouds. There were 2 hot air balloons drifting over the dam as they headed to their landing place somewhere to the south. It was a beautiful morning and I had my camera with me so was able to get some great shots.

2 ballons over the vineyard

Sunrise over Mt St Leonards

2 balloons above the dam

Balloon reflected in the dam

Mist and reflections in the dam

Settling back in to home

We've had a couple of quiet days, mainly at home, which was exactly what we needed after our trip away and then birthday preparations and celebrations.

We made up some of the craft kits that the kids got for their birthdays - plaster of paris fairies for Millie and a glow in the dark T-Rex skeleton for LiAM. Caitlin and Millie also started on a make-your-own Angel doll - there was sewing involved so Caitlin is enjoying it more than I would. We've talked about making cake pops in Millie's new cake pop maker but as yet haven't gotten any further than wiping the surface down with a clean cloth before use. Maybe today...

The kids have been playing Minecraft again - I heard of a server run by an unschooled Australian teenager, so we have logged into that for the first time and they are enjoying playing with other kids and learning how to negotiate someone else's server. I've been impressed with the ease with which they ask questions when they aren't sure about something, and also with the speed that they are answered by more experienced players.

They also played Skylanders, and some new games on the MacBook, and games on the ABC2 and ABC3 websites. LiAM was thrilled to find a new SlugTerra game, which is based on his current favourite TV Show.

We've watched a bit of TV and talked about the shows, played with animal toys, played the piano and the ukelele, read books, looked after all our animals - our little chicks are now not so little - the roosters are now bigger than their dad and soon I'll be looking for options to move them on - I don't think we can easily keep 4 roosters with our flock!

We went to the library yesterday afternoon, nice to be back after a 4 week break. LiAM watched YouTube videos, the girls used the hall to dance, we read some books and borrowed some more, then the girls went to Girl Guides. Millie is 5 now so old enough to begin - I stayed as well in case she found it too much. She loved it and joined in all the activities - and looked so tiny compared to everyone else.

Millie has been practicing her addition facts, asking every day 'what's plus 1 plus 1' and 'what's plus 4 plus 3 plus 2 plus 1' or 'what's plus 68 plus 2'... and she's starting to notice patterns, like that if you add 1 to a number you get the next number! It's quite exciting to explore it with her and be reminded of the patterns ourselves!

I've had a couple of moments when I've been really pleased to back, too. I wasn't quite ready to come home from our holiday - I rarely am (actually the only time I've ever been pleased to finish a holiday was at the end of our 5 week trip to Europe with a 1yo and a 2yo...). And this time I didn't really miss anything while I was gone. But there's been a couple of little moments - like opening our cutlery drawer and seeing all of OUR spoons - where I've felt very content and happy to be back in our space, and grateful that we have such a wonderful space to come back to.

Birthday Party

LiAM's birthday day and birthday party were lots of fun.

We were all up early before Tony went to work so LiAM could open his presents. Millie gave him a packet of berry flavoured mentos (and a packet for herself as well (she wrapped them together)), Caitlin made (hand sewed) a tail warmer, blanket and hat for LiAM's toy lemur, and we gave him some Schleich animals (a red panda, a baby crocodile (which LiAM thinks might actually be a caiman - 'definitely a crocodilian of some type') and a baby hippo), a dream lights puppy pillow pet, and 3 skylanders figures, so he now has one of each element. He was thrilled with his presents and turned the playstation on straight away to play with his new figures. Tony made pancakes before he left which was a lovely birthday breakfast.

LiAM with hippo and crodolian

LiAM spotting his new skylander figures

The rest of the morning was spent playing with birthday presents, making loom bracelets and charms, tidying up the house (including putting away the rest of the stuff that had come out of the car after our trip), assembling the party bags and the pinata, and making the cake - half chocolate mud cake, half chocolate cake, in the shape of an 8, with green and blue icing to represent grass and water, with animals on it. It was a lot of fun to make, even working out how to manufacture a ring tin because I only had one, and then realising that there was too much mud cake mix for the subsequently smaller tin, and having to do a bit of a rescue operation in the middle of baking so that both cakes didn't end up smelling or tasting burnt. It all worked out beautifully.

The party started at 2pm, and LiAM had 4 friends come, along with their siblings, so there were 10 kids all together, plus 2 babies. Mum and Dad and my sister (with her baby) came as well, and all the parents stayed, and it was a fantastic afternoon spent with friends and family. The kids played with LiAM's birthday presents, with the marble run, with our other animal toys (soft and Schleich), on the piano, on their iPads (I think there were up to 4 people connected to the same Minecraft world at various points), and with Skylanders. LiAM also received anothe Skylander, some science kits, Toothless from How to Train Your Dragon, and a transformer type robot. We hung the pinata in the carport - a very cute dinosaur, who I think was a bit heavily full of lollies, because he kept breaking his string when he was hit, and then one big whack pulled the loop right out of him - so the kids took it in turns to shake the lollies out of the hole on to the ground. There was also a game of musical statues which everyone was so good at there was no winner - Caitlin had made some prizes so she worked out some other way to distribute the loom band prizes and everyone seemed happy.

Tony came home from work and was here for a little while before heading out to a baseball committee meeting - we had gone to the pub for birthday dinner the night before which worked quite well - Tony could still go to his meeting, and we didn't need to wrap up the party and then get ready to go out, I was quite pleased we'd done the evening meal the night before.

Once all the guests left we watched a movie (Finding Neverland) and some TV, had bacon and eggs for tea, LiAM watched some YouTube videos and we had a relaxing evening. I ended the day feeling so fortunate to have such a great group of friends, and feeling very relaxed and happy and content.

Superman

Yesterday we watched 5 Superman movies.

That wasn't the original plan - in the morning we put on Superman, The Movie, and everyone enjoyed it so someone suggested watching Superman 2, and then Superman 3, Superman 4 (the Quest for Peace) and Superman Returns followed. (we borrowed a box set from the library recently after watching Man of Steel and wanting to compare the older Superman movies with the newer one). We had gaps in between each movie, and no one sat and watched a whole movie without doing other things as well, we just had them on as we went about our day and stayed for the bits that caught our attention. It was a lot of fun.

While the movies were on we also
- played board games - mainly Rivers, Roads and Rails (although our version (from the toy library) has artwork on it, the pictures in that link just have coloured lines)
- did lots of puzzles
- played games on the iPad and iPod, individually and together
- played with toy animals
- played with figurines
- played with soft toys
- pretended to be fairies and animals
- pretended to be Superman and various bad guys
- talked on the phone
- prepared and ate 2 hot meals and lots of snacks
- played the piano and the drums
- designed and made birthday cards
- played with and took care of the kitten
- took care of the chickens and checked on our baby chicks
- did a little bit of housework
- discussed the differences between these movies, Man of Steel, and the Marvel superhero movies
- asked lots and lots of questions, had discussions and looked things up about the movie plot lines, actors, characters and locations. Like - I know Superman is fast, but he seems to flit back and forth between San Francisco and New York quite a lot and it doesn't take any time at all. Or really, does no one other than Lois notice that Clark Kent goes missing a lot of the time. And Clark Kent is really amazingly controlled - how difficult would it be to pretend to have no strength at all when you are really the strongest person in the world. And before you make major life decisions, like, say, choosing to give up your super powers - its probably a good idea to take a day or 2 to think about it (and check that there's not a world disaster happening at the time....). And the main Superman music was written by the same guy (John Williams) who wrote a lot of the Harry Potter music, and Star Wars - is the music similar, what else did he write for (and we also have a CD of his compositions from the library, so we'll listen to it today). And why do ALL the Superman movies end with exactly the same scene - some of us liked the linkage and closure that provided, others felt it was a bit silly.  And if we were Superheroes - would we save our friends first or the big cities, would we have a boyfriend/girlfriend, would we tell people who we were.... We talked all day about Superman (and other topics) and made so many links to other things we knew or had wondered about, it was a restful day full of so much learning, I'm glad I was able to keep saying 'yes' everytime someone asked if we could watch the next movie.

Tiring day

Yesterday was one of those days where we ended up doing too many different things and we were all exhausted. I was saying to a friend yesterday that I've learned not to do extra things just because we're in the area - and then I did exactly that and wore us all out!

We had a pretty relaxing morning at home. The kids played Minecraft - exploring a couple of adventure maps they have on the computer - and read some books. Caitlin learnt more of 'Harry's Wondrous World' on the piano. Tony and Caitlin and I rearranged our chicken set up which ended up being a bit more complicated than we'd planned. We've had 2 broody chickens, and one of them had 6 chicks hatch over the weekend. On Tuesday we moved both chickens, with their eggs and chicks, into our spare pen - they were in a box with 2 laying areas, one chicken in each side, so that was pretty easy. Then the chicken whose eggs hadn't hatched yet decided that it would be easier to simply look after the chicks that were already born, rather than sit around and wait for her own eggs to hatch - so we kept ending up with 2 cranky mother hens and 6 chicks all in the one box. We tried various combinations with an aim to get her sitting back on her own eggs, but in the end the solution that made every hen and chick happy was to have both mothers and all the chicks in the pen together, with one big box that they could all fit in to. So now we have 2 very happy co-parenting hens and 6 adorable little chicks (5 yellow, 1 black).

Around 11.30 Tony went to work and the kids and I went to Homeschool Gymnastics. Friends of ours were there this week as well so it was a bit more fun for the older kids. Once it was finished I grabbed some of the bread we like from the bakery nearby, and also some spelt chocolate hot cross buns. Next stop was to one of my ABA group's trainee breastfeeding counsellors, to give her the raffle tickets so that she can coordinate this years national raffle for our group. While I talked to her Caitlin read books to her daughter and Millie. She lives right near Chirnside Park shopping centre, so I figured we might as well pop in and get a few things that we needed... I replaced our soda stream canister (finally - its been several weeks without soda water on tap and we've really missed it), we picked up some new Skylanders which were on special, Caitlin found a new dress, I got a new nose ring, we stocked up on cat food and (saved the exciting bit till last) we bought a whole coconut from the fruit and veg shop. We were all pretty knackered after our shopping, there was a lot of walking and browsing and it would have been nice to go home at that point. On the way back to Yarra Glen we stopped at a gluten free bakery I'd been meaning to go to and we all picked something yummy to eat - I was impressed with the quality. (Less impressed with the girl insisting Millie say 'please' before she'd give her the finger bun - Millie had no idea what she was talking about and started to get a bit annoyed - next time I'll try to step in earlier to keep everyone happy) Back to Yarra Glen and dropped Caitlin at Girl Guides, while the rest of us went to the library, read some books, watched minecraft videos, borrowed some new things, then went outside and played on the swings in the smoky air - I was a little worried about LiAM playing outside in the smoke but he coped ok, it mainly seems to affect him at night. Picked Caitlin up and met a new family who has just started Guides in Yarra Glen and then finally back home.

I made a cuppa and disappeared into the bedroom with a book for a while, and the kids played with their new Skylanders. Caitlin cooked frankfurts and cheese for the kids and I made myself something to eat, then we watched Top Cat (the movie) which we enjoyed more than we thought we would. Once I got tired I went to bed and read Anna Karenina, and Millie came in and played the iPad next to me. Eventually the others came in too and played games, chatted, read until we all fell asleep.

Good-byes

I've been wanting to write this post for over a month now. Its a difficult post to write because its about loss and grief - so I've been putting it off, then whenever I tried to write a more upbeat post it didn't seem as important as this one so nothing has been written for a while.

About 7 weeks ago we let Stripey the kitten outside in the morning, and we haven't seen him since. I didn't notice on that first day that he wasn't around - he was often out for several hours at a time or sleeping somewhere inside or out for many many hours, so it just didn't click that I hadn't seen him at all. That night, and for the next several days, we called and searched everywhere we could think of. I did night time walks around the dam and through the vines, I tried to get Buckley to sniff him out (he had a lovely time chasing rabbits on our night time wanderings) and we looked through all the sheds and in the trees...

I was worried from the moment I realised he was missing and worry soon turned to devastation. The kids were a bit worried but were sure he was coming back. Caitlin and some friends of mine who had had cats disappear then turn up later kept my hopes up for about a week, but I was still grieving pretty hard during that time and for the week or 2 afterwards. Now I feel more of a dull ache when I think about him and what a wonderful kitten he was - one of the best cats I've ever met and it feels so unfair that we had him for such a short time.

Its been interesting to watch the different ways the kids have managed compared to myself. I was in a fog of grief and cried everytime I thought about him. The kids all had a brief moment of tears because they missed him, then went back to assuming that he's off having fun somewhere else and he may come back one day. Well, the girls assume that, Liam started packing his things away after his tears because 'we don't have a cat anymore'.
They do still miss him and will sometimes wish he was here, but they seemed to process their grief more effectively and it hasn't impacted on their lives negatively. One more emotion that they are experiencing among many, rather than the overwhelming way in which I seem to experience grief.

I wonder if this is because they have always been free to express their emotions, both positive and negative, so they are so much more present with how they are feeling and don't feel any need to pretend - so feelings are processed as they occur. As adults I think we can sometimes spend more energy pretending to be fine and so the emotions come out later in other ways and need to keep coming out until they have been fully expressed. I hope that the 3 of them continue to feel comfortable enough with their emotions that they are always able to be present with and true to what they are feeling. And I hope I continue to learn from them how to do the same.

I think that the fact that Stripey is not the first loss they have faced also helped them put it in perspective. They know that animals and people do not live forever and sometimes we find ourselves saying goodbye before we are ready. Since Caitlin was born we have lost animals, (this is the first beloved pet though, the others were goats and chickens - although the loss of our baby chick and her mum was pretty upsetting), family members, unborn babies and of course lived through the loss and devastation of the Black Saturday bushfires in 2009. Sometimes it hurts me to think of how much these kids have taken on in terms of loss and grief - but then I look at how they handle it and it has given them a very real perspective and understanding of death and as it has always been part of their lives they aren't frightened of the idea of people dying. They are not insensitive about it, they still have moments of being very upset about Tony's Mum and Stripey and the babies... but they also talk about them very matter-of-factly and accept the deaths/disappearances as part of their life.

I think that's the key. They don't 'move on' as if these things didn't happen, they seem more to absorb them into their lives, cry about them when they need to, talk about them when they want to, and its now all part of who they are. I know that last year when I really took the time to grieve about my lost baby I processed it so much better than other times when I have tried to pretend I was fine, and now although I am still sad every day that he's not with us, the grief doesn't consume me and I can be around other babies, other pregnancies, and not feel like I'm missing out on something.

I hope I can continue to remember that. That the baby, and Stripey, and the other people we know who have died were an important part of our lives and have enriched us, and we can grieve for them for as long as we need to, without having to become bitter or resentful or depressed, and we can continue to live joyful, content lives even while experiencing grief.

And Caitlin and Millie still talk about Stripey in the present tense and are patiently waiting for him to return. And who knows. They might be right.

Wild Nights at Werribee Zoo

These school holidays, Werribee Open Range Zoo were open of a evening (they normally close at 5pm). I'd seen information about it and thought it looked cool, then forgot all about it. On Friday morning my Zoo Membership newsletter had a reminder about it, and I realised if we wanted to do it there were only 2 nights left. I mentioned it to Tony and he was keen to go, and suggested we go along after baseball on Saturday afternoon.

So we met after baseball (around 5.30pm) at a Red Rooster near the Western Ring Road, grabbed some  dinner and left Tony's car there, and drove through the rain (finally some rain! Its been many weeks since we've had rain like this) to the Zoo, arriving just before 6.30. I was wondering if there'd be many people there, being a cold wet night and the last night-time session - the carpark was full and we could only find a creative parking spot over on the edge...

The zoo looked quite exciting in the dark, with just enough lights on for us to find our way to the entrance (although Liam and I did both step into a deep, water-filled pothole). Inside was even more exciting, there were lots of glittery lights, and triangle frames with fairy lights wrapped around them (to show the way down the paths) and in some areas there were tin cans with holes punched in them, and lights inside, which gave a speckled look to the light on the ground - it was like walking through a forest in the daytime, with the speckled filtered light coming through the trees.

We sat on wet hay bales in the rain and watched a Fire Show - some quite impressive fire twirling coupled with a lot of gymnastics, entertaining to watch (although a bit scary when one of the sparklers flew out of his hand towards the crowd).

From there we hurried to the cheetah exhibit to see them being fed - there were so many people there by the time we arrived we couldn't see through the glass so tried to see from another vantage point but only got a faint glimpse of them - when we got back to the glass most people had left so we were easily able to see both cheetahs eating, and then one came right up to the glass and walked past us all for a while, he wandered off and came back another 2 times - the kids were face to face with him (he was between Millie and Liam's height so they in particular were looking him right in the eye) and it was completely worth driving all that way just to experience this (especially since the cheetah is one of Liam's favourite animals). They were bigger than I expected, and their tails were long and seemed much firmer than a small cat's tail. One of them had his hackles up on the back of his neck and look quite threatening.

From there we saw some hippos asleep in the water, then went and roasted marshmallows over a fire. All 3 kids are getting quite good at roasting their marshmallows to the level of meltiness and crispness that they each prefer.

We wandered past the African Wild Dogs but they were hiding, then saw one of the lions sitting up in his shelter - then he lay back down again and snuggled up with his brother. The vervet monkeys had gone to bed and we saw a couple of groups of them all huddled together.

The last stop was in one of the African huts where there was flouro light (it felt like being in a nightclub. Kind of) and lots of flouro hoops, plates to balance on sticks, scarves to wave and balls in bags to twirl around. They all looked quite spectacular and we all had a go at everything. Liam's boots looked phosphorescent in the light, it was like he had alien feet. The girls both had a good go with the hula hoops, I had no idea they were so proficient.

When we finally tore ourselves away from there it was time for the zoo to close. We took off wet clothes and snuggled up in the car and drove home listening to 'Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire' on Audio CD.

A very enjoyable spontaneous family night out, even in the rain. I'm exceptionally pleased that we went and will try to make it over there for one of their summer night events in January.

Birthday Party Week

We've been home from Tasmania just over a week now and its been a rather busy week - although on the whole we're all still quite relaxed from our holiday.

We arrived home early on the Friday morning before Liam's birthday, which was on the Sunday. Friday we spent relaxing, unpacking a bit, and some friends came over for the afternoon and brought Stripey back. Saturday I spent fixing the washing machine and dishwasher which had both decided to have their own holiday, and then getting organised for Liam's party.

Sunday we woke up and did Liam's present giving in the lounge room. Caitlin gave him a wooden cat (to match Millie's) and a ceramic dragon. Tony and I gave him a Tasmanian Devil puzzle, a toy lemur (not Schleich, but a similar brand) and an iPod Touch - exactly what he wanted. I'd loaded his favourite games on it so he was entertained for the morning while we finished party preparations.

Liam and his Lemur

Liam and his iPod

At midday we met his friends at Healesville Sanctuary, as well as Fi and James and Mum and Dad. Everyone had a picnic lunch, then I put out party food and the kids played in a large grassed area near the dingo enclosure. We played Pass the Parcel (Tony and I played the drums for music) and Liam (without us looking) won the main prize so he was pretty happy. Liam's presents included lego, a craft kit, a magician figurine, animal books, a vial of gold, and a Schleich dinosaur (velociraptor).

Liam's birthday cake

Eventually we packed up and went for a walk around part of the Sanctuary - we had 13 adults and 13 children there so we were quite a group. We did the wetland walk, the lyrebirds (a couple of us saw the male lyrebird singing), the reptiles and the parrots. We'd invited everyone back to our house because Liam had a piñata waiting - most of his friends came back (actually all our homeschooling friends). The kids played outside for a while then the piñata called - it was shaped like a crocodile and very cool. The tail soon came off and everyone was able to whack it and get a few lollies - and the rest of the body survived so Liam was able to keep it! Everyone stayed and played for a few hours and one the guests provided some dinner so it was a very relaxing afternoon and evening.

Liam's turn

Liam and the piñata

We were back into our usual routine through the week, with ABA, gymnastics, joey scouts, homeschool gymnastics and guides to go along to. In between Liam did a lot of the craft from his birthday kit, we watched tv and read a lot of books, played games, played with the animals (real and toy and imaginary), went to the library a couple of times and went to friends' houses.

On Friday we had Millie's birthday party. It was almost exactly the same group of people as we'd had here on Sunday - Fi and James couldn't make it and we had one other local family come along - otherwise it was Mum and Dad and 4 other homeschooling families. It was a very casual party, the kids (aged from 2 to 10 and an even mix of boys and girls) played inside and outside, with lego, craft, toys animals, on the trampoline and swings, listening to music, looking for our real animals in the yard etc. We had a beautiful cake and Millie's presents included art and craft supplies, a game, books and a felt board with a pet shop scene. Tony had finished work early, it being a Friday, so he was able to be here for most of it. A few of the families stayed for dinner and by this stage some of the kids were playing Minecraft on the computer and they kept us up to date with their new discoveries - playing as a social group they can explore and discover much more quickly than on their own, they really work well together.

In the midst of the evening part of the party Tony took Liam to Chirnside Park for him to go to the movies with his Joey Scout group - they saw Monsters University and Liam was very excited to go without any other family members, and to be able to buy his own snack to eat and drink there. There were still people here when he got back so he also didn't feel like he'd missed out on the party.

The other mothers (and one dad for a while) and I had a great chat sitting in the kitchen, it was a very easy party to get ready for and a very relaxing one while it was taking place.

Yesterday we had a visit from Pete and Cynthia who are staying at Mum and Dad's for the weekend - great to see them and Liam was thrilled because he'd wanted his uncle Pete to come to his birthday party but we'd left it too late to organise. They'd just visited the chocolate factory and came with gifts - giant chocolate freckles for the kids and a chocolate making kit and fondue set for the family. The kids enjoyed showing Pete all their lego (he was the first one to buy us any lego so he kind of has a vested interest) and the animals and their tree climbing skills, and I loved having a casual chat - we haven't had many opportunities to just visit each other over the last 20 years or so - hopefully we can do it more often.

Today Caitlin is going to an archery day with guides, and we have some friends coming over this afternoon while their mother has something else on.  So another social day coming up and looks like this coming week will be quite busy as well - although its the last week of term so then there will be a change in our rhythm for a couple of weeks after that.

The view out my window this morning as I wrote this blog post on a chilly morning of -5 C

Hot hot hot

Its hot again today, althought I think the temperature is dropping now, below 30 degrees, and our area is actually due to have a coolish day tomorrow. A lot of places are staying hot for several more days though and the fire danger is pretty high everywhere. I've been keeping an eye on the fire news which sometimes makes me feel calmer because there's nothing nearby here, and other times causes me to feel quite anxious because it brings back all the memories of how it felt in 2009. 

I know I was very anxious leading up to last Friday when we had Extreme fire danger, and thought I'd calmed down since then. I'm very weary though and today I've been a little less patient with the kids than I'd like - especially getting everyone in the car to take the kitten to get his vaccinations (something about doctors (vet) appointments that make me get cranky rather than fun as I'm trying to coax everyone out the door. Maybe I should make the appointments at times when Millie doesn't have to come). So perhaps the heat and the threat of fire danger is keeping me on edge a bit more than I had realised.

I'm pleased I took Liam with me to the vet though, he got to see what she was doing. Stripes (the kitten) had 4 people holding him down while the vet did his checkup, not sure if that made it more or less stressful for him!

On the way home we stopped at a fruit and veg place that I love and the kids selected a lot of fruit - they've been eating fruit salad all afternoon. I replenished my veggie drawer as well, and Liam bought me some beautiful yellow and orange roses.

Insect hunting and fishing

Yesterday I bought Liam a fishing/bug catching net. I'd seen them at the discount store in town when it opened a few weeks ago, and had been meaning to buy him one. Caitlin was going to my friend's house for the afternoon and Liam was disappointed that he couldn't stay - I offered to buy him the net as compensation for coming to the shops and then home with me, and he was thrilled. We did some groceries first, then he asked for the money to go and get his net, and ran ahead to the shop. When I got there he was coming out the door, looking very disappointed, and the people in the shop were looking concerned. He said he'd asked for it and they said they didn't have them anymore - there were certainly none in the bucket at the front door like I'd seen previously! He was starting to get upset, and I said we'd have a look and then I'd ask again. Up the back, in a tub with all the left over Halloween gear, there was ONE net - and it was blue, perfect for Liam! So, waving it triumphantly and luckily not knocking anything of the shelf, he took it up the front and paid for it himself (which is a new thing he's started doing recently).

He chased Millie with it and caught her a few times on the way back to the car, and couldn't wait to get home to try it out on bugs. He rushed into the yard as soon as we pulled up and ran around after bugs and birds and bees, but wasn't able to catch anything. I tried to help for a while but I had no luck either. (On Monday there was a swarm of bugs through the yard and it would have been impossible not to catch anything, but most of them had moved on by yesterday afternoon). Liam said he'd like to try to catch some fish with it and wanted to go down to the dam. I'd been feeling dizzy and light headed all day and didn't feel up to a walk to the dam, which I explained to him. He suggested we drive - at first I thought 'I'm not driving such a short distance' (my instinctual response) then realised that it could be the difference between him getting to the dam or not.

So Millie and Liam and I jumped in the car - Millie wanted her seatbelt on, while Liam was excited about not needing it as we were just on the property - and we drove down. As we approached the dam there was a bird of prey hovering near the edge, it moved ahead of us as I slowly pulled in, then landed at the the edge of the water for a drink. It was bigger than the birds we normally see hovering around here, with a speckled brown coat and white underneath its tail. We looked it up in the Field Guide to Victorian Fauna on the ipad when we got home, and I think it was a Little Eagle. I've never seen one before and it certainly made the trip to the dam worthwhile!

Liam fished in the dam for a while and I was going to stay in the car and rest, then thought a better decision would be to hop out and enjoy the wind and the fresh air and the feel of the dam. I scooped up some mud for him with his net and we found one little slimy creature. He was so happy playing there, and after a few minutes he said he'd had enough and we could go home and dry out his net. We tried to catch a few bugs from the reeds around the dam, and I got one - the same ones that were swarming on Monday so he wasn't overly interested as he'd caught several of them with his hands. We drove home with the net out the window to see if we caught anything in passing - I don't think we did, however he was satisfied that we'd really given his net a good try out and he no longer seemed to care that we hadn't caught anything.

The whole trip to the dam was a really lovely 10 minutes and I'm so glad I was able to say yes and find a way to make it happen, rather than dismissing his excitement and saying I was too unwell to go.